Alright, bros, let’s talk about something important for all men: personal space. Our man caves are the only spaces in our lives where we can truly be ourselves, free from responsibilities and expectations, so they should reflect that in their contents and decoration. That’s why I’m gonna show you how to deck out your gentleman’s den with these cute little teddy bears that I’ve already named and grown personally attached to.
Killah Kenny
Just look at how cute this fucker is. I sometimes bring this little dude to the gym with me, and he inspires me more than any action hero. I like to set him next to my Xbox One in my man cave, but you can place him wherever he suits you best—except you can’t. He’s mine now. Get your own.
Playboy Patrick
Whenever I come home from a long day at the business factory, this good boi is there waiting for me. He’s such a positive influence in my life, and my man cave is made all the brighter because of his sunshine. I keep him on top of my foosball table, where he’s received many high compliments from my bro-chachos. A solid, very cute, and very manly addition to any cave.
Slayer Sally
Being a man is rough, but Slayer Sally helps me get by. After a few games of football with the brogi bears, I wind down with a nice meal and Sally right by my side. I keep her in my personal man cave kitchen, where I make my famous 15-meat man nachos (manchos). I love to pretend that she’s reading recipes to me and helping me cook, like my own assistant chef! To be clear, my relationship with Sally is completely platonic, and so is yours. Lay a hand on her, and I’ll rip it off with my teeth.
Gangsta Gary
My pride and joy right here, boys. Gangsta Gary and I have been through a lot. When the Falcons didn’t make the playoffs, Gary was there to comfort and console me. When my Omaha Steaks were delayed for an entire day, Gary was there. He watches over my cave and keeps me safe when I fall asleep from playing Call of Duty: Black Ops 4 all night. Without him, my cave wouldn’t be whole.
There are bros and broettes, but then there are brothers. These teddy bears are my brothers. They make my man cave not just a place to get crunk and play beer pong but a proper home. Your cave can feel just as special by getting yourself a few furry friends. Just not these ones.
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