Tag Archives: Higher Pleasures

  Dear Goop.com: We have your therapist. He is in the Bunny Ears warehouse, breathing and meditating normally. He is healthy and spiritually aligned. We’re guessing you want him to stay that way. If you want your therapist returned safely please give us your Top 10 Summer Skin Care Product Recommendations. We’re not messing around […]

This weekend, I watched my friend get married.  Waiting in line to greet the bride and groom, I overheard some of the best wedding advice from an attending cousin from Florida: “Got a hole? Fill a hole.”  Most of my helpful advice is delivered with my middle finger, but when faced with a blushing bride […]

They’re judging you, Sarah.

Heads up, there are some Amazon links in this article that are Amazon Affiliate links. If you click it and buy stuff, we get some money. If you want to learn more, check out our privacy policy. Yo, I’m not going to apologize for being a modern man. If you’re still listening to AM radio, paying […]

Tad and Brita Carlson have always loved to put on a show. The brother-sister creative team from Burbank, California has gone from puerile backyard productions of Equus to some of the most elaborate flash mobs of the 21st century. In 2017, Tad and Brita produced a promposal flash mob which involved over 300 extras, two […]

If you’re heading over to London-town for the royal wedding, you’ll need to be prepared for a subtle but definite culture shock. While English is the unofficial language of both the UK and the US, that whole revolution thing drove a bit of a linguistic wedge between us. But fear not! We’ve compiled a list […]

There’s a reason every Disney movie ends with a royal wedding — it’s every little girl’s dream to be a princess, by marriage if at all possible. (Otherwise, you’re probably the villain.) Well, who says playing princess has to end in childhood? Your therapist? What do they know? With just a quick trip to Target, […]

For years people have been whispering about the therapeutic properties of sticking your entire first in your mouth. It’s been called Mouth Fisting, and the benefits are both spiritual and physical. It’s a fun and relaxing pastime and it stretches out your jaw so you can fit even more cheeseburgers in there. I’d had a […]

Avian toast was created out of necessity to take control of my diet as well as controlling my urge to throttle anything anytime the news is on. Being from the South brings its own set of standards; I’m self-reliant, rustic, and there’s nothing I enjoy more than breaking bread with family and friends. I can […]

There will be joy. Oh yes, there will be joy. Many secrets were revealed to me the day I first held my joint aloft, inhaled and said, “By the power of 4:20!” Or was that a cartoon? Doesn’t matter. As I have now come to realize, cartoons contain deeply embedded truths woven from the fabric […]

Confession time: I’ve had a hell of a run so far. I’ve been told by my friends that I am lucky to have what I’ve been afforded in life, with my peak physical condition, my well-paying job, and my lovely circle of friends and family. But after so many years of spoiling myself with what […]

Flipping houses is the most exciting way to grow an investment outside of sponsoring an endangered animal and entering it into an endangered animal fighting league, but it can be a little daunting. Sure, the property has two stories and a basement, and as best you can tell it has never been on fire, but […]

What exactly is “inaction action in action” and how can it help you make a lasting impact? It’s 1:17 in the afternoon and I am casually scrolling through my facebook feed, hitting like on my friends MLM posts and photos of their children, when suddenly I am confronted with a crisis. Someone has posted a […]

Are you a poor person who has hands? Then use these crafty, eco-friendly tips to save money and Mother Gaia, may She dwell forever in the Anthropologie store at the center of the Earth. By investing a little time and creativity, you too can impress your friends and co-op cohabitants! Not only that, but you’ll […]

Hunting is one of the greatest sports that unathletic rich people can engage in, but it can become a real hassle. You have to constantly worry about a laundry list of pesky regulations, all seemingly designed to keep you from killing to your heart’s desire. Well, where’s the fun in engaging in a sport if […]

While beautiful for northern topiary and cozy fashion, autumn marks the time of year when holiday stress officially begins. ‘Tis the season for checkout lines and gift-giving headaches! Lord knows if there were a way to get ahead of all the toy and clothing buzz we’d kill to know it. Well, you’re in luck, future […]

Nestled in a secluded valley, surrounded by mountains, the exclusive spa is known as Kalliso 22 is one rarely seen by western eyes, due to the long, difficult journey to get there and the exclusive nature of the clientele – you usually have to be someone’s relative in order to gain admission. But I have […]

Being an internationally famous celebrity certainly has its perks – you never have to pay for alcohol, you always get put on the Jumbotron at any sporting event you attend, and your first murder is free. But the common folk gnashing their teeth with envy at this elite lifestyle always overlook the many inconveniences being […]

Hands down the worst part of being the coveted idol of many is that you can’t go out in public without being mobbed by a sea of grasping hands, all clutching for a selfie or an autograph or a chunk of your scalp. And even if you manage to avoid the horde of starstruck zombies, […]

Vape in style at your grandma’s funeral with these perfect, stylish rigs.

So, you played Jumanji and now your house is filled to the brim with animals. What do you do now?

All you had to do was let the natural detoxifying wonders of charcoal clean out your pores. You couldn’t even do that without being racist, could you?

If you loved Street Sharks you’ll love these luxurious new Boulevard Sharks. If you can afford them, which you almost certainly cannot.

Capitalism is a prison but candles smell nice so tell us your most recent traumatic social experience and we’ll sell you a scented candle!

Hi, my name is Daniel O’Brien, and I am a hiker, Escape Room–avoider, and author, but before all that, many years ago, I was a camp counselor. I worked at a summer camp in Old Bridge, New Jersey for several years, and I still look back on the experience with tremendous fondness. I got to […]

Ain’t no party like an office party ’cause an office party is necessary to your livelihood! At the Bunny Ears office, we have an office party every 15 minutes to boost morale, consisting of an IV cleanse and a mandatory meditation seminar. For those of you who don’t work at the healthiest place on Earth, here […]

You’d barely notice Mama Bird’s Cafe if you didn’t already know what to look for. Tucked in the back corner of a parking lot in Echo Park, next to a launderette, a cigarette stand, and something called “Dr. Funsicle’s Mystery Shop of Edu-tainment,” is a small room containing four elegantly dressed tables. There’s a sign […]

No, literally all I have left now are vibrators and cake mix.

  Love yourself like you recently met yourself, have been dating successfully for a month and have been banging yourself nonstop.

Or do you WANT your dog to die?

We know you’re probably sick of reading lemon-stuffing articles. Almost every lifestyle blog has been pumping these out like, well, butt lemons. But we promise this definitive guide to lemon stuffing will be the last article you ever have to read about stuffing lemons up your butt! Bunny Ears has your back (which will soon […]

Should we slide a magazine under the door or something?

Look. Not everyone still likes weed, okay? Just because now you are in your mid-thirties and no longer enjoy feeling like you’re going to fall out of a window and directly into a police cell every time you take a single puff off someone’s “totally mellow, home-grown” joint, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. […]

[EDITOR’S NOTE: Welcome to the third ever Bunny Ears advice column, where Bunny Ears staff submit questions, and other Bunny Ears staff provide answers. Neither party knew who was asking or answering their questions. Until now … ] Q – Kelly Wallace-Barnhill I have taken on so many projects and have so much to get done that […]

Are your testicles smooth, fashionable add-ons or veritable Truck Nutz®? Balls are your body’s ultimate accessory, and you should care for them as such. Wrinkly testicles are SO OUT! You want your testicles to be shiny, spherical orbs for you and your partner(s) to enjoy. Here are some Bunny Ears–approved treatments that will get your […]

Great for reading in the bath!

Honestly, what is bird box and why are all of my friends talking about it?

Where are you going to go for Weed Christmas? Are you staying home? If so, here are the best spots for that perfect 4/20 vacation in your drab apartment.

It’s a simple thing, but I think it is worth it.

Minimalism is here to stay. What’s the point of filling your domicile with meaningless junk when there’s no point to anything? If you’re ready to dive into the design style that answers the question “what brings me joy?” with “almost nothing,” here’s a few rules of thumb for making your dwelling look as empty as […]

Psst. Hey, kid. You wanna get high?

The world of fine dining has its own complex language that can turn a romantic date into a confusing embarrassment if you don’t know the lingo. Worry no more, because we’re here to help.

I view other cultures like the entries at a Sizzler: a buffet that you can pick and choose from to fill up your plate, and, if necessary, use force to seize control of the shrimp. When I learned of Tibetan sky burials, I knew I had to have one of my own. Buddhist monasteries in […]

Though they may or may not be “just like us,” one thing about celebrities is clear: Their lives are awesome and ours aren’t. Logically, they must have some mystical key to an awesome life beyond good bone structure and luck, right? The answer is yes and this is why we all crave celebrity advice. After […]

How else shall we absorb her powers?