Substitutions For Exotic Ingredients That Are, Ugh, Fine
Sure. Just google what’s in ras el hanout and blend together whatever shit you have in your spice rack.
These 5 Posh Hotels Have One Thing in Common: You’re Banned from Them
Not everybody gets to stay at the most beautiful and luxurious hotels in the world. Especially not you anymore after what you’ve done in them.
The Best Adult Summer Camps Conveniently Located Within The Perimeter Of My Inescapable Arizona Compound
Millennials are reportedly the least likely generation to consider themselves religious. And as the proud leader of my own legally-defined church, I find it greatly disheartening that this new generation appears to worship their Beyoncés and Andrew Garfields over the one true God. And considering the oppression my divine faith has received from the so-called […]
The Beginner’s Guide To Strip Club Dining
Welcome to The Beginner’s Guide to [Blank], our recurring series where our experts provide everything you need to know about your new endeavor, regardless of what it is. Life is full of exciting opportunities, and while it’s fine to tackle a new adventure on your own, we here at Bunny Ears know that it’s better […]
Caring for Those Wild Animals Infesting Your Home Thanks to Jumanji
So, you played Jumanji and now your house is filled to the brim with animals. What do you do now?
Save The Bees So I Can Keep Using Their Venom To Get High
Bees are dying and we need to save them to maintain the human food supply and let me use their stingers to trip balls on the regular.
We’re Discontinuing Our Charcoal Masks Because You’re A Bunch Of Racists
All you had to do was let the natural detoxifying wonders of charcoal clean out your pores. You couldn’t even do that without being racist, could you?
Travel Guide: The Car Trunk You’re Locked In
There’s a whole world of fun back there to enjoy while the goons drive you to the murder spot.
We Can’t Get Over This Tiny House’s Adorable Tiny Eviction Notice
The idea that tiny houses are more affordable is a common misconception. If you put your mind to it, there’s no reason you can’t live beyond your means in less than 200 square feet of space. Beth and Mike Swendell found that out the hard way when they were recently evicted from a handcrafted, Nordic-accented tiny […]
I Ate This One Thing Every Morning And It Changed My Life
To feel truly different, you’re going to have to make some real life alterations so that you don’t fall back into your old habits. I completely changed my life by eating the same unlikely thing every morning. And that thing is a box of thumbtacks.
We Invited the Street Sharks Creator to Chat About His New Luxury Line of Boulevard Sharks
If you loved Street Sharks you’ll love these luxurious new Boulevard Sharks. If you can afford them, which you almost certainly cannot.
A New York Lifestyle Guru’s Guide to Siberia
Siberia. A land of breathtaking vistas and serene snowscapes, where even the most frenetic of personalities can find space to take a deep breath and truly relax. Lifestyle enthusiast and fashion blogger Faye Kerr traded in her hectic city routine for a quaint aluminum cottage near the Putorana Mountains. She now brings us a glimpse […]
European Cities That Won’t Stretch Your Comfort Zone As A Whitey
Your vacation won’t be relaxing if you have to scream, “I want water! Water. WATER. WAAAT-ERR!” every time you’re thirsty.
Your Most Recent Social Trauma Tells Us Which Of Our Candles You Should Buy
Capitalism is a prison but candles smell nice so tell us your most recent traumatic social experience and we’ll sell you a scented candle!
How To Make Eight-Year-Old Brandon Think You’re The Coolest Counselor At Camp This Year
Hi, my name is Daniel O’Brien, and I am a hiker, Escape Room–avoider, and author, but before all that, many years ago, I was a camp counselor. I worked at a summer camp in Old Bridge, New Jersey for several years, and I still look back on the experience with tremendous fondness. I got to […]
Recipes For Your Ecstasy-Fueled PTA Potluck
Your annual Parent-Teacher Association potluck meetings are usually fraught with tension as parents and school faculty tussle to craft a wholesome learning environment while scarfing down microwaved potato skins. But with a little innocent subterfuge, a few crowd-pleasing recipes, and a bag full of ecstasy pills shaped like Spider-Man’s head, you can turn your stuffy […]
Which Diet Gave Me Chlamydia? An Investigation
I needed to lose some weight. The problem was I didn’t know where to start: Atkins, Keto, intermittent fasting—to name just a few. The more I researched, the more confused I got. Which is why I decided to try them all to figure out which works best for me and my body. And now I […]
Sober Karaoke And Other Socially Disgusting Ideas For Your Office Party
Ain’t no party like an office party ’cause an office party is necessary to your livelihood! At the Bunny Ears office, we have an office party every 15 minutes to boost morale, consisting of an IV cleanse and a mandatory meditation seminar. For those of you who don’t work at the healthiest place on Earth, here […]
How To Make Mac And Cheese For Your Black Friends, AKA The Correct Way
Step one: Grab your box of raisins. Throw it out the window.
“Birding” Brings Avian Alimentary Process to Hip New Heights
You’d barely notice Mama Bird’s Cafe if you didn’t already know what to look for. Tucked in the back corner of a parking lot in Echo Park, next to a launderette, a cigarette stand, and something called “Dr. Funsicle’s Mystery Shop of Edu-tainment,” is a small room containing four elegantly dressed tables. There’s a sign […]
Which Artisan-Crafted DUI is Right For You?
Anyone can get caught speeding with a few Fentanyl IPA patches on their arm and a desire for danger.
Confuse And Terrify Your Children Into Eating Healthy
Try these handy tricks to both terrify and confuse them into submission.
How Do You Tell If An Object Sparks Joy Or Just Gave You An Orgasm Once?
No, literally all I have left now are vibrators and cake mix.
How To Not Look Too Rich While Traveling In A Foreign Country
So you’re interested in traveling in a foreign country —specifically a developing nation—but you’re afraid your MacBook and designer jeans might make you stand out just a tad too much? Have no fear, for we know exactly what to do to temporarily poor-ify your digs and make you blend in like a precious upper-middle-class baby […]
My Superfood Diet Has Made Me Immeasurably Powerful, And I’m Not Ready For The Responsibility
It started harmlessly enough. I’d gained a bit of winter weight, and I decided to kick my diet up a notch in the hopes of getting my abs back before #beachseason. I decided I’d cut out sugars, cut down on carbs. More leafy greens, more protein, more exercise. It was simple stuff. At first. As […]
Bunny Ears Staff Advice Column: HOBBIES
[EDITOR’S NOTE: Welcome to the third ever Bunny Ears advice column, where Bunny Ears staff submit questions, and other Bunny Ears staff provide answers. Neither party knew who was asking or answering their questions. Until now … ] Q – Kelly Wallace-Barnhill I have taken on so many projects and have so much to get done that […]
BBQ Recipes So Good You’ll Go ”I’m so sorry about slavery.”
Finger licking good. Also, really really sorry about slavery.
Way Too Formal Breakfasts For After Casual Sex
I have always considered myself a sex-positive woman. I have needs, and I’m not afraid to admit it. But that doesn’t mean I don’t treat my (extremely casual, no strings-attached) partner, Liam, with dignity and kindness. We might not be a couple (which again, I’m 100% okay with), but I don’t ever want him to […]
My Three Days On The Ranch Dressing Cleanse
The Apex Diet: Eat Only What Can Eat You!
For as long as I could remember, I’ve always been a pussy. I vividly recall the days where I’d be standing alongside countless cowards at the nearest grocery store, spending my hard-earned money on frozen pizzas, boxes of dry macaroni, or preservative-filled burgers. Some call it sustenance. Some even call it satisfying. But let’s call […]
These New Twists On Hot Cocoa Might Literally Save Your Life
Fellow spiritual siblings, if you’ve been on a vision journey over the last 12 months, you may be blissfully preparing for the season of peace and joy. Unfortunately, here on the bodily plane, it turns out that everything everywhere is now terrible. But nothing can stop the lighting of the menorah or the trimming of […]
Our Restaurant’s New Insect Menu Has Nothing To Do With The Recent Fumigation
The two events are purely coincidental.
The Best (And Worst) Governments To Get Mind Controlled By
It’s inescapable. No matter where you go, the government is going to mind control you either through low tech microwaves and chemicals in the water, or with high tech nanobots in your flu vaccines. Cuba showed us what happens when an inexperienced government tries its hand at mind control using tech that is well above […]
The All Cat Food Diet! (That Definitely Isn’t Just A Symptom of My Severe Toxoplasmosis)
Guys. GUYS. I really need to tell you about this amazing new cat food diet and how it has improved my life. This isn’t another one of my fads. This has undeniable results. I’ve saved so much money, lost so much weight, and no longer fret about pretty much anything. And it’s fostered a stronger […]
Recipe: The 27 Flavors I Added to This Muffin Mix Until I Could Feel Something
I used to be like you. When I was a child, I could be satisfied with a simple vanilla cupcake. Oh, how wistful I am for those days of carefree innocence. As I grew older, my palate matured, and I craved the apple cinnamon crumble. I longed for the orange chocolate creme brulee. I was […]
Meat-Based Tofu Alternatives We Love
Are you struggling to find a good replacement for the soy you love? You’re not totally tofurked. We’ve got a list of incredible meat alternatives.
The Real Nutritional Supplement Was Inside You All Along
But how did I get regular after taking the supplements when I was so constipated before, you ask? Guess what. That was also you. Your poops were stuck inside your colon waiting for you to believe in yourself.
From The Bunny Ears Test Kitchen: Pickled CBD Gluten-Free Cast-Iron Coconut Butter Crystal “Salmon” Taco Bowl With Salted Maca, Herbed Ghee, And Panamanian Venomous Toad
It’s summer, and at Bunny Ears, that means exactly two things: taco bowls and experimenting with dangerously powerful exotic hallucinogens from around the globe. Why not mix the two? After all, psychoactive substances have proven spiritual and psychological benefits, and taco bowls are delicious. To ensure a taco bowl of maximum mind-opening, exotic flavor, we’ll […]
Mmm Look at This Pie I Baked That None of My Thin Children Are Allowed to Eat
After spending an entire weekend indoors baking and decorating like a madwoman, my Pinterest foodie page is off the frickin’ charts right now. Look at this pie. Look at it. When it comes to pretty food, I am Michelangelo. But just as you do not touch the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, none of my […]