Bleached buttholes? Been there. Tie-dyed shirts? Done that. Well, buckle up, because this season, we’re combining the best of both worlds and tie-dying our buttholes. Whether you’re showing off your rainbow for Pride Month or just giving your partner a colorful surprise, a tie-dyed butthole is the height of summer fun. We know what you’re thinking: “How the fuck would I even begin to go about doing that, and why?” We can answer one of those questions!
It’s All About Prep
Of course, you can’t forgo the bleaching entirely. Most people’s buttholes are a disgusting natural shade of brown, so to really get those colors to pop, you’ll need a nice blank canvas. Schedule a full Brazilian while you’re at it. You don’t want a bunch of short and curlies obscuring your art.
Selecting Your Colors
Sky’s the limit when it comes to colors with which to adorn your butthole, so we recommend you decide on a color palette. Of course, a full rainbow is always a hit, but maybe your butthole looks best in more muted tones. Earthy shades of green and terra cotta complement almost everyone’s butthole tones and transition nicely into fall as well. But it’s entirely up to you. Just remember your color wheel, which dictates that hues on opposite sides pair best with one another (and it’s also a fun new nickname for your butthole).
It’s As Easy As Sitting Down
The great thing about tie-dying your butthole is that it’s already all puckered. No tying needed! Just select your colors, put them in some cute little jars, and dip your butthole into them one at a time. Of course, if you have a specific design in mind, you can pluck up some skin off your butthole, twist it off, and clamp it. Just keep in mind that we are not responsible for your medical bills. And don’t forget to cover your surrounding butt skin in Vaseline to avoid the color bleeding onto your butt cheeks. You want a rainbow butthole, not an entire rainbow butt. That would just be ridiculous.
Images: Pexels
View Comments (23)
JUST....WTAF.....???
This story seems made up.
Fucking... duh?
I'm opening the first butthole tie-dyeing salon tomorrow in Kotzebue, Alaska! Swing on by for a dye!
And here I thought it was going to be a boring summer...
I thought I was the only guy with a tie dyed butt hole from Kotz
Well it might be made up but I'm definitely going to do it. Never bleach my asshole before but there's a first time for everything right
Where are the pictures, if this is true, I want to see it
Agreed
We I for one would like to see some results ...talk is cheap ..
You call yourself a writer?
I mean... she wrote it and you read it. What more is there to this transaction?
Tie dying your butthole gives new meaning to balloon knot.