‘Absolute Carnage’ Reading List Includes ‘Beowulf’ To Taco Bell Sauce Packets

November 2, 2019 by , featured in Comic Books
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Absolute Carnage is taking the comic book world by storm. But like most comic events, you can’t just read it and have fun (what would be the sense in that?). Instead, you need to do your homework first. Reading Guardians of the Galaxy: Planet of the Symbiotes is helpful, as is the miniseries Ooo Boy Venom’s a Granddad, and yes, watching Spider-Man 3 is going to get you far. However, here’s a list of what you need to read to fully understand what’s going on in this dark fantasy.

Beowulf

Interestingly enough, if you’ve already read the first few issues of Donny Cates and Ryan Stegman’s Venom, you won’t need to read this one, as Cates was kind enough to copy/paste the majority of the book into his own. As a matter of fact, out of the 7,000 words in the first six issues of Venom, over 6,998 come directly from Beowulf. However, if you haven’t already passed sophomore English, make sure to give this poem a read or else you might miss why exactly Carnage desecrated the corpse of the Red Hulk.

My Chemical Romance Liner Notes

Now, to be clear, you don’t need to read all of the liner notes for every My Chemical Romance album. That would take way too much time, and besides, if you’re a true Venomhead, you’re probably busy reading the 97 tie-in comics that tell exactly how the first black Spider-Man got eaten alive by a redneck serial killer and why that’s a good thing. The key album notes you’re going to want to look at are I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love—including the copyright protection (that part is key!). Then you’ll want to move on to Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge and then skip right ahead to May Death Never Stop You. If you’re in a pinch, merely looking at the cover of Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge while trying ketamine for the first time will suffice. 

A Taco Bell Sauce Packet

This is the most important part of the Absolute Carnage reading list. If you read nothing else (seriously—no previous Marvel comics and nothing else on this list) you must read this to get at the heart of Absolute Carnage. You might think that Diablo sauce would be your go-to—it’s all black with a hint of red—but you’re forgetting this is Carnage’s book. He’s a full-on fire freak. You’ll need to go ahead and get a copy of Fire sauce from your local Taco Bell, and for optimal results, you’re going to want to squirt some of it on your tongue and just hold it there while you read.

Don’t worry about the bleeding, that’s normal. Once the Fire engulfs you, you’ll understand what it was like for Cletus Kasady to be born into Hell and return to the world wanting nothing but vengeance and death.

There you go, Carnagecravers! Once you’ve finished reading everything on this list you’re all set to go read Marvel’s next big masterpiece. Excelsior!

Images: Pixabay, Marvel


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