‘Star Wars’ Characters You Think You Are When You’re Really Jabba’s Rat Friend

July 30, 2019 by , featured in Pop Culture
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Maybe you’re trying to save the galaxy with the power of the Force? Or, perhaps, you’re a space pirate piloting a speedy hunk of junk? Or maybe you’re the shaggy-haired sidekick that remains loyal to the end? You probably think you’re one of those classic Star Wars characters. But you’re not. You’re Jabba’s rat friend. Take this quiz and see for yourself.

Are You … Luke Skywalker?

Star Wars

No. All your life you thought you were the plucky main character who goes from a simple farm boy to the final remnant of an ancient order of mystical space monks. In truth, you’re the visually disturbing court jester who revels in the torment of good people at the hands of your ruthless gluttonous boss.

Are You … Han Solo?

Star Wars

You probably think you’re a devilishly handsome rogue with enough charm to romance even the toughest space princess. But actually, you’re a cackling rat monkey attached to a space criminal.

Are you … Princess Leia?

Star Wars

Definitely not. Also, you might be thinking, “Does Jabba’s rat friend have a name?” It’s Salacious B. Crumb. He’s from the planet Kowak. His species hatches from eggs and lives in trees. Most people won’t know any of that. As far as they’re concerned, you’re just a laughing monkey lizard who keeps shady company. No one but the most hardcore Star Wars nerds will even know your name. That’s the opposite of Princess Leia, who everyone knows. They’ll just know you as disgusting and irritating.

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Are You … Lando Calrissian?

Star Wars

Lando might seem shady at first, but he’s ultimately a decent person who’s using his connections in the criminal underworld to do some good around the galaxy. This does not describe you. You’re definitely the evil shrill monkey. Where Lando disguised himself as a villain lurking within Jabba’s palace to rescue his friend Han Solo, you are happily sitting on Jabba’s dais, delighting in the sociopathic antics of your slug master.

Are You … Salacious B. Crumb?

Star Wars

Yes. The character’s first name, Salacious, means “having or conveying undue or inappropriate interest in sexual matters.” This was the largest factor determining which Star Wars character you were most like. You’re definitely not the hero you thought you were. You are the shrill monkey lizard sex fiend nestled within the curled tail of the galaxy’s most notorious crime lord. Sorry.

Images: Pexels/StarWars.com

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