Cute Outfits For Real Women, Not The Lizard Women We Know Are Out There
Our society constantly promotes homogeneous and unrealistic standards of beauty for women. And it gets exhausting. That’s why we’re here with some style tips for real women. Not those those lizard women who we know are out there.
If you’re a real woman, try a belt or a sash to accentuate your waistline. If you’re a lizard woman, stop reading this article you disgusting lizard person. This article is not for you. I know you’ve infiltrated our government and I will find you.
Now let’s talk hats!
Only lizard ladies wear hats because their cold blooded nature means that they cannot produce heat in their own bodies. Any woman you see wearing a hat is a lizard. If you see a woman in a hat, point at her and accuse her of lizard crimes, then quickly and calmly exit the situation via the nearest window.
You know what’s super cute? Floral patterns.
Floral patterns are something only real women can pull off because florals look too busy against the green, scaly skin of lizard people. A lizard woman might think she looks good in florals but she is wrong.
Really, female lizard people don’t need to wear any clothes at all. They don’t even need to dress up to attract a man because they can reproduce asexually through a process known as parthenogenesis. They have no need for the puny males of our species. Actually, being a lizard woman doesn’t sound so bad. I may have misjudged our blood drinking, alien sisters.
Can’t we all just get along?
Maybe our differences are just the patriarchy trying to keep us apart. If real women and our lizard counterparts joined forces, just imagine what we could do! The lizards can read minds, disrupt electrical appliances, and lift cars over their heads. Meanwhile, we could provide all of the love and support they need as they eat all the males of our species. Just think about it, lizard sisters. We’ll wait!
Poop pop pow. Kazow. That. THAT is how I feel after reading these dee-lish-ous fashion tips. Better than steak tips at Bob Evans. Which were discontinued long ago. But now thanks to bunnyears and Bugg, I can remember those tasty bovine gems. I am grateful. Honestly grateful. Thank you. I really thank you. You are wonderful! Sincerely wonderful! I am awake.
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