Ways to Relax When You’re Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop

Modern society can be exhausting. At any moment something could go wrong and completely ruin your life forever. Your own cell phone is giving you brain cancer as we speak. Which is why we here at Bunny Ears are all about self care. And since the (valid) fear of something going terribly wrong at literally any turn is overwhelming, we’ve complied this list of ways to relax and let that shit go.

1. Blood Facial

Having your blood taken and then injected into your face is a popular way to relax among the rich and famous. Not only will it make you look five years younger, but it also takes blood from your brain—so you forget about the crushing weight of the possibility that everything in your life is about to fall apart. Either from random acts of God or your own self-sabotaging tendencies.

2. Solid Gold Manicure

Talk about the Midas touch! Getting your nails done in gold is a great way to avoid all those thoughts about rising sea levels. Or that mentally unstable people can own assault rifles. Or even the giant earthquake we’re like 100 years overdue for.

3. A Persimmon-and-Avocado Body Wrap

This relaxing body wrap is made with 100% organic produce that is so luxurious most Americans have never even tasted the ingredients. Sit back and relax as the creamy mixture nourishes your skin and soul. As you drift off into skin food paradise, all thoughts about unpaid parking tickets and mounting credit card debt will drift away along with your dead skin cells.

4. Sound Bath of Compliments

A traditional sound bath entails a soundscape of hyper relaxing sounds designed to put you into a deep meditative space. But we say up the ante and take a sound bath tailored perfectly to you and your needs. Relax as you listen to a team of experts tell you all the wonderful things about you. From the arch of your eyebrows to the extra perky bounce of your hair. Listen to the gentle voices of others noticing the good things about you. It will completely drown out the voice inside your head that tells your you’re superficial and contribute nothing to society and your English degree is fucking worthless.

Hope these helped! And remember, always try to live every day to the fullest (because an influenza epidemic could hit earth’s population at literally any moment).

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