Thoughtful Gifts I Should’ve Gotten Mother Last Week, But Didn’t…

May 14, 2018 by , featured in Spiritual Wellness
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Growing up, my mother was one of my idols. She was beautiful, strong, busy (always very, very busy), but that’s also why she was so successful with her elbow modeling business. She has such delicate elbows (and so smooth, too). While Mother was traveling the world, rubbing those famous elbows with the Hollywood elite, my father made sure to make up for her absence.

He was a doting Dad and never failed to show me how much he loved me. When Aiden broke up with me the summer of Junior year, Daddy bought me a brand new town car and a driver to go with it. He said if I got back out there and did my own thing, worked on me and my hobbies, that I would then get over that silly high school fling. And he was totally right. When I flunked out of my liberal arts college he gave me a mini Scottish Deerhound and a beach house. He thought some time to unwind (and my Boofy’s unconditional love) would give me some perspective. And you know what? He was right again.

Mother finally retired when he passed away two years ago. She spent a year on vacation, winding down from her busy lifestyle. She had planned to finally return home for good on Mother’s Day. This would have been our first major holiday together, so I knew the gifts needed to be extra special. And, honestly, I think I would have nailed it with these thoughtful gifts if I had just trusted my instincts and not overthought it so much. I desperately want Mother to be happy.

Seeing pictures of everyone with their moms on Mother’s Day made me realize that I didn’t do enough for her. I must please Mother, so here are all the things I want to have gotten for Mother.

I Should Have Celebrated Mother’s Career More By Getting Her This $4,000,000 Painting

Mother's Day Gift Guide

The plan was to welcome Mother back home with a housewarming gift that would remind her of her modeling days. Perhaps, if she had a piece of her old lifestyle to look at every now and then, it would keep her from feeling the need to go back to those places. I found this Parisian painting for only $4 million and it would have come with free shipping. Perhaps she would have been proud of my frugal nature.

Starting at $4,000,000

I Should Have Proven My Eternal Love With This $2,500,000 Emerald And Diamond Platinum Ring

Mother's Day Gift Guide

They say a diamond is forever and they’re right because that’s exactly how long I wanted Mother to stick around this time, so I should have gotten her this lovely diamond and Columbian emerald ring. She won’t ever admit it, but I know she had a fling with Mateo during the South American leg of her press tour in 2004 and I thought the emerald would be a nice way to let my mother know it’s OK and I forgive her even if Papa never did. The ring was listed at $2.5 million or best offer but a new start would have been priceless.

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Starting at Only $2,500,000

Everything Could Have Been So Perfect

Mother's Day Gift Guide

Mother is a very forgetful person. It’s not her fault, years of jet lag, cocaine, and making billions by merely existing will take their toll on anyone. She’s constantly losing her cell phone and keys. To show her I’m always paying attention, I was thinking of ordering this mini GPS tracker to keep under the wheel well of her car in case she ever loses track of it. It’s so tiny and the gold motif is absolutely adorable. This easily would have been my least expensive investment at under $4,000. I wanted to be able to keep the surprises coming long after Mother’s Day had come and gone. So, I wasn’t going to tell her about it right away.

Starting at Only $3,200

Why Can’t I Do Anything Right?

Mother has always hated the aesthetic of this home/”mansion.” Since she was always traveling with Mateo, Dad said she had no say over what went into a house she was never going to spend any time in. He was always so wise. Mother said the decor was just like Dad, tacky and bloated (he wished to be buried). Before she even got back I set to work renovating the place so she would be happier here. I tore down the hedges that Daddy had planted along the lawn, we planted the seeds ourselves when I was a little girl, and I planned to install the very best wrought iron fencing I could find on online. It would have come in at the cost of a latté at only $85,000. But I was too stupid to do this for her.

Only $85,000 For This Modest Home

There’s Always Next Year

Mother's Day Gift Guide

I think for my mother to truly be happy at home she needs to get in touch with her roots. It seems clear to me that her lack of identity led to her search for more elsewhere, outside of Daddy and this family.

I did some digging on 23 And Me  and discovered a handful of slave owners in her family tree. She’s staying with some friends in Cabo for a few months, but I’ve already started planning for next year’s Mother’s Day. To help her learn about her past I picked up these Civil War era shackles for under $2,000.

I read somewhere that roleplay is a great way to retain information. I’m planning on using that trick when I tell her everything I’ve learned about what it means to be a family. Mother will surely love all her gifts next year. I am going to give her everything. She deserves it all. And it’s all coming. For her.

Slave Shackles Starting At Only $1,900


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