Several Times Mr. Perfect Was Less Than Perfect

April 1, 2022 by , featured in Wrestling
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When I was a kid, I used to buy Juicy Fruit gum just so I could emulate Mr. Perfect’s move during his big entrance (you know, when he’d spit out his gum and slap it into the crowd?). Sometimes it was cherry Bubblicious, sometimes it was watermelon Big League Chew, but regardless of the flavor, I could never quite get it perfect. Suffice it to say, I was elated when I found out that Mr. Perfect was actually Mr. Relatable and had not one—but several— moments during his heyday that were way, way less than perfect.

1. The Milton Bradley Screw Job

The year was 1988, and the “Mouse Trap phenomenon” had taken the board game world by storm. People all over America were chomping at the bit to turn that little crank and trap that pesky mouse—Mr. Perfect included.

This time was different than all the others, though. This time, when Mr. Perfect turned the crank and the boot kicked the bucket, nothing happened. Just the faint sound of plastic tapping plastic. Bobby “The Brain” Heenan couldn’t help but laugh, and even though he never said anything, Mr. Perfect didn’t appreciate that.

2. Road Tripped

Most people don’t know this about Mr. Perfect, but he was a semi-professional whistler in a dive-bar country band before joining WWE. The night he beat Tito Santana for the Intercontinental Championship back in 1990, he was driving to Corpus from Austin, and “Don’t Worry Be Happy” came on the radio. He whistled along in perfect harmony with the opening, but then he drove over an armadillo and he felt bad about it. His pitch drifted, clashing with the whistling in the song.

Luckily, he was driving alone and nobody noticed, but the moment ate away at Mr. Perfect for years. He quietly gave up whistling until the “Rap is Crap” craze in WCW.

3. An Imperfect Birthday

On his 12th birthday, Mr. Perfect wished that one day he would become the WWE Champion, but he only managed to blow out 11 of his candles.

4. Right Name, Wrong Number

Back in the late ’80s, rotary phones were still a thing, and Mr. Perfect took pride in the fact that he never, EVER misdialed. He’d laugh good-naturedly at folks who got six numbers right but fumbled on the seventh. One time, he dialed Rick Rude and Rick Martel picked up. Mr. Perfect tried to play it off like he intentionally called him and invited Martel to work out and get some eggs, but it was obvious to everyone involved that there was a big mistake.

After he hung up, Perfect hit the phone (which was mounted to a wall) with a sweet stand up drop kick and swore off rotaries 4-Life.

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