How To Tell Which One Of Your Exotic Birds Ate Your Jewels
Blast! Those wretched birds are at it again! They’ve been trying to get your precious jewels for years, and this time they’ve finally done it. But while the exotic birds surely concocted the plan to devour your precious jewels together, only one bird swallowed them. And that, my friends, is the bird you must cut open and shake to retrieve your jewels. And in the interest of keeping you from having to cut open and shake your entire collection, we’re here to tell you how to best find the culprit.
How To Begin
The first step is to ask the exotic birds outright. Offer them a reward for turning in the guilty party (seeds work well). The birds will not understand you, of course, but you can rest easy knowing you did all you could.
Next, examine your exotic birds’ throats for jewel-shaped lumps (it’s important to do this before you cut them open and shake them). Make sure the throat-lump is thick like a jewel and not soft like a swelling. If no birds have throat-lumps, ask yourself if you’ve trained any of your exotic birds to pick locks with their small claws, perhaps to gain access to your daughter’s diary? If so, consider cutting and shaking that bird, for those same lock-picking claws could be used to escape the aviary wing and enter the conservatory where your family has, for generations, hid their precious jewels.
Also consider getting your daughter to dress up as a bird. You cannot do this yourself, of course, because you’re too big. You’d immediately evoke suspicion. But your daughter is small—smaller than you, at least—and has a better chance of infiltrating their ranks.
If you have yet to discover the culprit, you must get your veterinarian on the phone to ask if any birds have acted suspiciously during their daily check-ups. This is, of course, a last resort, as your veterinarian is not likely to give you valuable information due to his close personal relationship with the birds.
If none of these methods work, you must begin cutting and shaking birds at random. It will be a pity, of course, to cut and shake so many birds, many of which were gifts. But it must be done. Those jewels have been in your family for generations.