5 Times Jim Cornette Was A Pretty Chill Dude—As Told By Vince Russo
Look, we all know me and Jim aren’t the best of buds, but bro, I gotta be honest with you—he’s not that old-timey wrasslin’ Southern hickdick all the time. Jim Cornette was actually a pretty chill dude to me at least five times and not just a Kentucky Fried Siren.
1. The Time He Loaned Me a Pen
It was my first day at Creative and, bro, I can’t lie, my pen was out of ink. Out of professional courtesy, Jim loaned me one of his pens. I still have it to this day as a memento. He brings up that moment often, to me at least. I assume it’s out of wistful remembrance of the one time we got along.
2. The Time He Gave Me the Time
We were sitting in Vince’s limo and, brother, I’m telling you, I didn’t have my wristwatch at all. This was back before cell phones when Jim was trying to get the New Midnight Express over for some reason. Anyway, I turned away from Vince’s quiet stare into the void and asked ol’ Corny what time it was. He replied, “It’s 11:15, you stupid bumblefuck.” He usually called me a “shitbrained bumblefuck,” so I consider this a win.
3. The Time He Told Me About the Bagels at Catering
We were backstage preparing for RAW, and bro, I gotta be honest with you, I was starving. As I was drafting a Wack Pack joke as an ode to Stern, Jim walked by double-fisting two poppy seed bagels slathered in cream cheese, and, with a mouth full of creamed bread, he said something. His face was red with urgency, so I choose to assume that it was something like, “There’s good bagels at catering right now,” and not, “You should be doing Kegels on a fresh-fucked cow,” like it sounded, because that sentence doesn’t make any sense.
4. The Time He Didn’t Call Me a “City Slickin’ Ass-Weasel”
I don’t know if he just forgot or what, but he didn’t call me that on October 7th, 1996.
5. The Time He Took Back That Comment about Pissing on My Grave
Bro, I gotta be honest with you, this hasn’t happened yet, but I assume he’s gonna take it back. I mean, his blood pressure’s gotta be off the charts and he’s overdue for a heart attack so, no lie, I’m gonna outlive him. At the end of the day, I don’t wanna have to buy a plane ticket to take out my monster member and whiz on his tombstone while I pray to Jesus that he’ll be accepted into Heaven, as I have long forgiven him, legit no lie. But I am a New Yorker of principle.