Episode 17 (or 14) – Viva Vegas! (Annotated)
Hi, I’m Craig The Intern, and they make me transcribe these every week. Everything’s going great so far! Except I think I counted the podcasts wrong. Did the bonus podcasts count as numbers? Whatever, nobody told me. So this is somethingteen, the Las Vegas podcast!
The Guest: Las Vegas. The guys are in you.
Bing Crosby. Bob Hope. Mack and Matt? (and Stew) It’s a road trip episode to Las Vegas! Recorded in a hotel room, and sadly not at the actual Bunny Ranch. Stew wants to find a casino where you can bet on coin flips. Mack wants to find Ethan Embry, but actually he’s in town for a bachelor party, and Mack claims he has video of Stew passing out that will posted on our socials soon. The gang discusses strip clubs, and how they generally find them sad, as they think too much about the real lives of the women who work there. Also, a stripper in Montreal ruined things for Matt years ago by talking about Life Is Beautiful and the Holocaust.
Stew’s ability to fall asleep when he doesn’t like something is lauded, as is the stripper somebody paid to slap him awake, who sounds cooler.
Mack mentions an old Strokes shirt he used to have, and everyone begs his ex to return it, if she’s listening. Somehow this turns into a conversation about Judi Dench, and then the fact that Mack was nominated for a Golden Globe for Home Alone, but lost out to Gerard Depardieu in Green Card (but who has a podcast NOW, hmm?). Matt would like to win a hypothetical High Times award, ideally called a Stoney, for best-stoned podcaster. Or maybe best eating of pizza while talking on a podcast. As Matt asks for sponsorship by small backpack manufacturers, Stew hopes for tuxedos or motorcycles, but Mack thinks he should expect a Stone Temple Pilots T-shirt instead. But maybe he’ll have to wait for tomorrroooooow, to find it, to find it, to find it.
The guys talk Fremont Street in Vegas, which is like “CityWalk with naked people,” and featured in many movies. Matt’s family were in the casino business, and he remembers when none of the big Strip casinos were there, and there was nothing for kids to do, which changed in the late ’90s. This is a town in an area that is not meant to sustain human life, he says. But he’s no gambler–he “likes shit too much,” like toys and weed and comic books, always compensating for the stuff his mom threw out when he was 18 (aren’t we all?). He used to have to steal his own parentally transferred toys back from his cousin…who was 7 at the time.
Matt makes everyone jealous, including every listener, by saying he actually wears smaller sized clothes now than in high school. Stew does not. They talk about hiking and Mack says he doesn’t see the point. But he does work out with paint cans, which is a nice Home Alone touch.
Exercise talk turns to yoga and meditation, and how inconvenient it can be if you suddenly get a full bladder, or find yourself next to Krysten Ritter (this is probably not a problem you will have as much as Mack). It can, however, be like tripping on mushrooms. Or so Matt says. Skiing and surfing are harder, everyone agrees. Stew has to lie down on the surfboard for a long time after paddling out to the waves. And that’s a bit beside the point. He knows, folks. Matt is just not down with the ocean in general. Fish brushing by his legs are terrifying, apparently.
Matt reveals a big secret: this is the first podcast they’ve recorded since the show launched! And he calls it episode 13, so now I’m really confused. But they talk about what they’ve earned from reader feedback since then.
Mack takes a smoke break, so Matt and Stew talk behind his back about the kimono he’s wearing, and compare it to Will Arnett in 30 Rock and mock the way he obtained it. Matt mentions he doesn’t have a “dude group” of friends and therefore wouldn’t have a roster of make friends for a bachelor party. Mack returns in time to interrupt a discussion of Ferris wheels, dune buggying, and the fact that Matt doesn’t get the idea of partying crazier than you normally would for a special occasion. So he sings a song about getting drunk on Tuesdays. As you do.
What are roommate protocols? Is it weird that Stew won’t walk in on Mack if he’s in his room? Matt, who has never had roommates, thinks so, but Stew says you get to do it one time, to scare the Jesus out of them. Or bejeezus. They can’t agree which sounds better. That’s why you don’t have roommates. And then (finally) the subject turns to masturbation, and how you get self-conscious about it with people being around. Or you should.
The boat trip where Mack spewed is a topic that won’t die. Stew wants to take them sailing, but neither M wants to do that, even if cheap beer or Thurston Howell III from Gilligan’s Island is involved. Also, how the heck is Stew a sailor when he’s from Ohio? And do Swedish fans of the podcast need to get rid of Stockholm syndrome?
Everyone praises old singers who cover newer songs, like Paul Anka and Pat Boone and their swing-like versions of metal songs. The metal album was Matt’s first ever exposure to Boone, whom they all compare to South Park‘s Faith + One. Then Mack and Matt try to reveal Stew’s official Facebook page name, and fail…I think. Maybe you can hear real clues somewhere in there.
Matt loves the Watchmen movie, but he gets hung up on Dr. Manhattan’s lengthy monologue on Mars. But he wants to know how Stew, who doesn’t know the source material, would remake it. Squid or no squid? You will learn the answer. But how are the newer sequel DC comics, and does Stew even know who Alan Moore is? (Undecided, and no.) Bottom line is: read Watchmen.
The show wraps up with an attempt to bring things back to the topic of Vegas, with Stew recommending Scintas at the Plaza Hotel. Anyway, all this talk about vomit is making me hungry for some reason. Pizza time!
30:00-32:30 An appetizing story of seasickness, and Mack vomiting up the beer he just drank onto one of his friends. A hair and makeup artist, whose hair and makeup he barfed on. And how this all connects to Shazam!
35:16-36:27 How Mack went to a white elephant gift exchange, bringing a pre-owned gift that he planned to then claim for himself.
40:37-41:29 What gets cut from all the podcasts usually, and why (it will be self-evident, trust me).
58:18 Matt describes Catcher in the Rye in one sentence.
This is what the references to Ethan Embry as Nick Papageorgio in Vegas Vacation are all about:
Life Is Beautiful is an Italian comedy–yes, a comedy–about a father and son taken to a Nazi concentration camp, where dad pretends the whole thing is just a game. It doesn’t end well, and it won two Oscars. Star/director Roberto Benigni famously walked on the backs of everyone’s seats to get to the stage and accept. It’s not proper stripper talk, really.
It’s not really a kimono, but this is the Will Arnett outfit on 30 Rock that Mack’s kimono looks like.
Here’s the deal with the squid in Watchmen.
And this is the Vegas show Stew recommends, for some reason:
Image: Warner Bros.
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