How To Not Feel Judged By Your Friends’ Sobriety
Sometimes being someone who drinks can be difficult. I mean these days it seems that everything is catered to my non-drinking friends’ sobriety. Bars are creating mocktails just to spite you. Bitters mixed with muddled basil on the rocks should only be ordered by folks willing to deal with the hangover the next day. And what’s with these dry comedy nights and drag shows? You expect me to watch people participate in the performing arts sober? Do these people want to get paid? I would never give someone lip syncing to “All The Man That I Need” the bulk of my rent money when I’m sober.
When Did We Switch To Coffee?
Recently it has been harder than ever for me to go out and enjoy myself. It seems that everywhere I look there are sober people. I don’t feel comfortable dating because they always want to get coffee. Why does it always have to be a coffee? Why can’t it be a beer in a dark room with no furniture? If I drink coffee on a date I might feel too productive and sleep with a guy just so I can check it off my to-do list early. I cannot be trusted around coffee.
But even casual outings with friends seem to focus around my pals’ sobriety. I constantly feel judged. When I tell people I drink they always have follow up questions and comments: What do I drink? How often? Is it okay if they don’t drink? It’s okay if I drink, their grandmother drank too. I feel their judgment burn into me like that cigarette I put out on my ex’s neck.
No Apologies, Vodka Qween!
I was tired of feeling bad about myself every time I go out. After all, I am a human being trying to live her best life. And for me, that means vodka all day every day. And I am not going to apologize for that.
I try my best to not let my friends judge me with their sobriety. Every time we go out and they order an ice tea, I just brush it off and proudly order a double tequila on the rocks. I don’t care about being the odd man out, I’m proud of who I am. Even when they ask me if I want to try a non-alcoholic beer this one time, and that they would watch me and make sure I don’t order a second, I just scoff and order another whiskey. Also, I hide my car keys.
The other day, my friends and I had potluck brunch. Everything was going well until Samantha showed up with challah French toast with homemade maple slurry that did not include bourbon. What does she think brunch is for? I was outraged. It was like she didn’t even care about me and my needs. To her, her own selfish sobriety was more important than me and my needs to be loaded before 10:30 on a Saturday.
I don’t hate sober people I just don’t understand why they need to live their lives that way. But I respect them. I even keep beverages for sober people in my home in case one comes over. I don’t understand why my friends can’t do the same for me.
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…