It Takes A Village: Why Our Staff Is Really A Small Village Of Orphans
(Pictured Above, our Editor-In-Chief)
Here at Bunny Ears we pride ourselves on providing high quality laughs at bargain basement prices. What’s our secret you must be wondering? Well, I’ll tell you. It really does take a village to create the fine content here on BunnyEars.com, a village of orphan children on a remote island in the South Pacific.
Each Bunny Ears article is handcrafted by a child whose parents died in a horrific boating accident, leaving them stranded on a tropical island. Luckily, these poor orphans were discovered by Mack who turned their troubles into tax-free labor.
Working For Exposure
In exchange for their labor Bunny Ears has brought culture to this remote society. Can you believe before we came here none of these children had ever had the measles before? Well, we took care of that right away! When we told them they would be working for exposure they had no idea how much exposure they would get! They’ve been exposed to everything from chicken pox to typhoid fever and they love it.
The Wisdom Of Babes
I know you must be wondering how an island full of baby orphans can create such insightful lifestyle tips? Surely there’s no way a child orphan wrote “I’m Only Taking Parenting Advice From Killer Whales From Now On” or “Why You Need To Put Sunscreen In Your Butthole Right Now” you must be thinking, but these kids are wise beyond their years.
Their simplified island living has allowed them to see beyond the haze of our social etiquette. Frankly dying in a horrible boat accident is the best thing their parents ever did for them. Oh, that’s good. We’d better get someone to write up a list of ten parenting tips that are all just abandoning your children on an uncharted island.
Tiny Hands Type Faster
Not only is their wisdom essential to our operation but did you know that children’s small hands can type twice as fast as adults? A single orphan can type up anywhere from twenty to thirty Bunny Ears articles per day! Of course we don’t need that many so we just shred the bad ones right in front of everyone.
This method of hand selecting only the finest artisan articles is what makes Bunny Ears so great. The discarded articles are mixed with orphan tears (harvested as we shredded their hard work in front of them) and used to make T-shirts. Here at Bunny Ears we believe in being kind to the environment! (And unkind to orphans).
Would You Like To Work For Bunny Ears?
How good are are you at swimming? Anyone who shipwrecks on the uncharted desert island we’re based out of is welcome to join the team! As long as you’ve got a good work ethic and no knowledge of child labor laws we’re happy to welcome you aboard. It really does take a village to create a product this good.
Uh oh I’ve just been informed our entire staff has now been exposed to the plague. Looks like we might have some job openings sooner than I thought. Will our orphans live to sell you more skin care products? Find out soon!*
Editors note* They did not.