Rusev Gets Revenge By Fucking Bobby Lashley’s Lat Pulldown Machine

Bobby Lashley has, in recent weeks, been destroying Rusev, but not in the traditional pro wrestling sense (as in with lariats and powerbombs). No, he’s been destroying Rusev emotionally. Bobby has made it clear that he is having an affair with the Bulgarian Brute’s wife, Lana. And so, if Rusev was going to get back at Bobby Lashley, he knew he had to retaliate. The best revenge was seducing the thing Bobby Lashley loves most—his lat pulldown machine. And Rusev did just that.

One look at Bobby Lashley, with his rippling lats and delts, will tell you all you need to know about his relationship with that machine. And while Rusev doesn’t share Bobby Lashley’s specific fetish, he decided that courting, seducing, and quite literally having sexual intercourse with an actual piece of exercise equipment was the only way to get adequate vengeance.

A Bulgarian Break-In

After breaking into Bobby Lashley’s home, the lat pulldown machine was not hard to find. Bobby Lashley keeps it where most men—men with small, pathetic backs—would keep a television.

But as Rusev looked at the framed pictures on the wall—Bobby Lashley and his lat pulldown machine at the beach, Bobby Lashley and his lat pulldown machine at Disneyland, Bobby Lashley and his lat pulldown machine at the wedding of the lat pulldown machine’s sister (a seated hamstring curl machine)—he realized that Bobby Lashley’s relationship wasn’t just physical. He was really, truly in love.

That made Rusev realize that, as crazy as it sounds, he had to show the lat pulldown that same love. It was the only way to hurt Bobby Lashley as much as Bobby had hurt him. So Rusev dragged the lat pulldown machine out of the house. Then he took it to a nice Italian restaurant and went for a walk down the pier. They took selfies and texted them all to Bobby Lashley.

No Hole Too Small

And then, it was time for Rusev to seal the deal. You see, while Bobby Lashley makes love to the lat pulldown machine, looking sensually into the pulldown bar as he finishes in the little hole where you put the pin into the weight plates, Rusev defiled the lat pulldown machine. It definitely hurt his dick a lot.

Since that night, Bobby Lashley has been unable to even look at the lat pulldown machine, let alone get in a solid pump (in either sense of the word). As for Rusev? Sure, he achieved his goal, but we have a feeling it was a hollow victory. Like the old saying goes: “Fucking another man’s lat pulldown machine won’t heal a broken heart.”

Images: Pixabay/ WWE