Is Your Tall Neighbor Plotting Against You Up There In The Sky?

Your new neighbor is very tall, and needless to say, it is disconcerting. Having purchased a house just at the end of the cul-de-sac, the Tall Man is now coming to your monthly potlucks, where you and your regular-heighted neighbors mingle and discuss sports. But having now attended two social events in the Tall Man’s presence, you have no choice but to assume that this new and very tall person is indeed plotting against you up there in the sky.

The Tall Man moved in two months ago, and since then, you’ve seen him mowing his lawn tall-ly and also playing cornhole with his average-sized children. What is he doing up there, in the highest parts of the sky where you cannot reach? Could he be planning to steal your collection of rare quarters from all 50 states?

It was, of course, a tactical error on your part to mention your collection of rare quarters from all 50 states to a normal-sized neighbor at the most recent potluck. Yes, you were standing next to the Tall Man, but you assumed he couldn’t have heard you all the way up there. However, you now fear the Tall Man will use the secrecy granted to him by nature of being so tall to orchestrate a plan to steal from you the rare and valuable coins your father and you have been collecting since the state quarters were introduced.

Could the Tall Man, from his vantage point, have noticed that average-sized neighbor is balding but from the top—the kind of balding you’d never notice at an average height—and used that information to blackmail him into divulging your secrets? It’s entirely possible. You can’t put anything past men as tall as that.

In an attempt to quell your anxiety, you might try reminding yourself that the Tall Man could not fit through your oft-unguarded cellar windows. However, don’t forget, the Tall Man could send one of his regular-sized children through the windows to then unlock the chamber where you keep your collection of rare quarters from all 50 states.

There is no doubt the Tall Man would want to collect the treasures himself. He didn’t get to be that tall without also developing an unconscionable arrogance. Needless to say, you should install tripwires throughout your house, millimeters from the ceiling. If the Tall Man enters your home, as we all know he will, you must be ready.

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