Have You Tried Just Asking The Bed Bugs To Leave?
So, you’ve got bed bugs. The good news is there are things you can do right now that’ll get rid of them in no time. Bed bugs are no more than unwanted house guests, after all. Treating them like an aunt who’s overstayed her welcome is just as effective as traditional removal methods, like … I don’t know. I’ve never actually looked them up. But still, the below polite tips should help!
1. Say That It’s Getting Late And You Have A Big Day Tomorrow
Some bed bugs will take the hint and leave voluntarily if you merely suggest that their presence is no longer welcome. This plays into the bed bugs’ inherent desire to not ruin your Big Day. They respect—and will never stand in the way—of a go-getter.
2. Tell Them They’re Going To Have To Pull Their Own Weight Around Here
Bed bugs are inherently moochers. A surefire way to get rid of them is to attempt to work out a deal. Tell them they can stay on the condition that they do the dishes every night and take out the trash. If that doesn’t scare them off, add cleaning the gutters and mowing the lawn to their list of chores (it shouldn’t take that much though). Bed bugs will usually flee at the first sign of responsibility.
3. Ask Them To Pay Rent
Due to their microscopic size and penchant for thumbing their nose at authority, bed bugs can rarely maintain a job. Telling them that the only way they can stay long-term is if they pay a portion of the rent will almost certainly force them out.
4. Clearly Ask Them To Leave
Yes, they’re keeping your house as clean as it’s ever been and have been dropping your kids off at school so you can get a few extra minutes of sleep, but what kind of parasite can’t pick up on the hints you’ve been dropping? It’s time to break out the big guns: You’re going to have to ask them to leave. Soften the blow by explaining that things have been feeling a little cramped, so it’s probably best that they get going. If they still refuse, then they leave you no choice …
5. Burn The House Down With The Bed Bugs Inside
“This isn’t my fault” is the only thing you need to tell yourself again and again in a soft mutter as your home and all the memories you’ve made within it are burned along with the bed bugs who took advantage of your good will.
We hope this helps!