bunnyears

…Man discovers woman already knows thing he was going to tell her….
…Single Woman Manages To Meet Food Delivery Minimum…
…Spoiler alert: The milk has gone bad…
…Scientists Discover A Lot Of Cool Junk In Older Brother’s Room…
…Children May Be Stupider And Weaker Than Previously Thought…
…Reported discovery of new planet turns out to be your mom…
…6 Year Online Romance Ends In Weird Handshake…
…Woman Memorizes Snapple Fact In Case Tonight’s Party Is That Bad…
…Breaking: Absolutely no one wang chunging tonight…
…Sugar daddy eaten by ants…
…Quiz: Is This The Good Milk?…
…Email From Mom Has 4 FWDs In Subject Line…
…Dollars to donuts exchange crashing…
…Unusually Buff Dog Not Breaking Eye Contact…
…Against All Odds, Man Learns To Dance…
… Michael Jordan Comes Out Of Retirement To Dunk On Angela Merkel…
…Man pretty sure Game Of Thrones is historically accurate…
…Local Couple Adopts Blind Dogs And Just Puts Them Down…
…Big dick energy drink selling poorly…
…Millennials Are Disrupting The Banjo Industry…
…Adult Hearing Mom Use Their Full Name Still Terrified…
…Survey finds startling amount of ghosts are racist….
…Help, I’m Trapped In A Headline Writing Factory. Details To Follow…
…Violent Pokémon dispute sparks trade war…
…Bunny Ears wins prestigious Bunny Ears website of the year award at the Bunny Ears Awards…
…Am I standing right behind you? The answer might surprise you!…
…Don’t Forget To Grab Milk…
…Opinion: I Have The Best Smile And Coolest Personality …
…Hurricane wipes out town of Duckberg…
…Single 32 Year Old Patiently Waits For Friends To Get Divorced…
…Gordon Ramsay Signed Beef Wellington Sells For 1.6 Million…
…Local white guy “gets it”…
…Hospital Cracks Down On Patients Getting Chemo For Fun…
…New Boyfriend Eats Imitation Crab Straight From The Package…
…Update: Only very tiny hats now cool…
…Your Dog Might Have A Secret Passport…
…Scientists find that deja vu is just alternate timeline of you dying…
…Report reveals Rice-A-Roni actually from Detroit…
…Santa is real, and he lives in your crawl space….
…According to studies accordions are unsteady…
…Confirmed: Everyone is hanging out without you…
…Woman With Scoliosis Has Detailed Knowledge Of Floor-…
…A New Generation Of Turtles Are Learning Martial Arts…
…Mother Struggles To Explain Scott Baio To Her Child…
…Did Tupac fake his birth?…
…Research shows laughter definitely not the best medicine…
…Very smart toilet begs for death…
…Breaking – There’s A Spider In Your Pocket…
…Half The World’s Bees Have Never Seen The Show Seinfeld…
…Fourth grade teacher found to be not as hot as you remember…
…’Glow Up’ Discovered To Just Be DBZ Reference…
…Shazaam not a real movie…Google it…
…According to studies studying causes cancer…
…Chill Girlfriend Constantly Suppressing Everything…
…Opinion: We’re In A Golden Age Of Trash Talking…
…13th month discovered between February and March….
…Study: Loss Of Car Leads To 1000% Catcalling Increase…
…Drugs In Water Supply Treat Fish’s Depression…

Coming To Terms With Your Stupid, Normal, Non-Royal Baby

royal baby

You are a magical and stunning giver of life. So what if that little baby that came out of you is just another dumb baby in the world instead of a royal baby like Meghan Markle’s? Don’t beat yourself up, and definitely don’t glare at your offspring 24/7 as you wonder what you could have done to make sure that you gave birth to a little prince or princess. This is your little prince or princess! Even if we only say it figuratively instead of literally because it has no royal blood. Like none. You checked 23andMe and you’re not even a little related to a duchess or something.

What we’re saying is treasure this baby. Look at their precious little fingers and toes, listen to their sweet cooing noises, and appreciate them as family. Worthless, useless family that will definitely never live in a castle. Probably not even a house, because it’s not born into money. It was just born. Whatever.

Know that you and your partner made this life, and that’s a miracle. Even if, now that you think about it, you could have held out for Prince Harry. You know, made an effort to try and meet him at Soho House if you somehow snuck in. Your cousin knows a guy who was a doorman there and … but that’s not the point. The point is, instead of doing that, think about how you made a little human! With Jeff. I mean Jeff’s fine. It’s fine. His family lives in Michigan and they’re fine. Nothing special, but fine.

DON’T MISS:  4 Steamy Sex Tips for Spicing Up the Bedroom

Plus, you’re giving your baby a gift that being royal couldn’t. Your little one is able to have a normal childhood! One where they can run and play and scrape their knees … you know, be little tiny average people with nothing to contribute, really. I mean you hope they’ll be brilliant but that’s a super long shot. No one in the family is that smart. If they were royal it wouldn’t matter how smart they were, but they aren’t. So … whatever, it’s fine.

They’d probably look dumb in a crown anyway. So good for you! You didn’t give birth to a royal baby who would look dumb in a crown, and that’s an achievement! You have a nice normal, sweet, normal, little … so incredibly normal baby. Which is just fine.

YES, Meghan and Harry’s baby will be a national treasure, but yours is too (metaphorically speaking). Not enough to have paparazzi swarming around, offering you money for the first photo of the little guy … but your Aunt Gerty won’t stop asking for baby pictures, so that’s kind of the same thing, right? Yeah, you won’t have designers knocking on your door offering to dress you and the baby in matching haute couture outfits, but your mother-in-law did say she would sew some onesies! Same difference. YOU HAVE A CUTE LITTLE BABY! ISN’T THAT ENOUGH?! THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH.

DON’T MISS:  Gender Reveal Party Ideas So Good That Everyone Will Be Talking About Your Baby's Genitals For Months

Whatever, it’s fine.

Images: PixabayPexels, Pixabay

You Might Also Like

Using Your Love Language To Ask To Speak To The Manager

Get that guy fired—your way.

Read More

It’s Never Too Late To Start Planning Your Parents’ Funerals

Yes, even seventeen months after they died in that tragic safari giraffe stampede accident.

Read More

The Modern Loneliness Epidemic That’s Affecting You And Only You

No one else feels lonely. Ever. It’s just you, the person reading this piece right now.

Read More
No Comments Yet

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Stalk Us

Video of the Week

We’re Back, Baby! Take THAT, Sawa!