Kofi Kingston Is ‘Frantically Checking Items Off His Bucket List’ Before Brock Lesnar Match

March 16, 2022 by , featured in Wrestling
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Since winning the WWE Championship at WrestleMania, Kofi Kingston has defended the title against all comers, including Samoa Joe, Kevin Owens, and Randy Orton. His challenger this Friday night, October 4th, on Smackdown’s Fox debut, however, is Brock Lesnar … and many believe “The Beast Incarnate” could be the one to end Kingston’s reign. While Kingston says he’s “confident” about his prospects, he’s also reportedly been frantically checking items off his bucket list. Something most people do when they’re certain they’re about to die.

In the short time since accepting Lesnar’s challenge, Kingston has already:

  • Been skydiving
  • Seen SNL live
  • Gone to the Wailing Wall
  • Bathed in a waterfall
  • Beat Mortal Kombat with one hand

He’s also fired a sniper rifle and eaten exclusively at three-star Michelin restaurants.

Trouble in Paradise???

We spoke to Kingston on the phone while he rode horses on the beach at sunset to ask why he was seeking out these life-changing moments at such a fast pace. “There’s no reason. I’m not afraid of Brock Lesnar. I don’t know, deep in my soul, that my body will be broken. What I do know, is that the power of positivity will live on, long after I arrive at the gates of wrestler heaven. And I say that completely unrelated to this coming Friday.”

“Generally, Kofi is a focused dude,” said Kingston’s New Day partner Big E. “But ever since he signed on for the Brock match, he’s been obsessed with painting like Bob Ross. Look! This is him,” Big E said as he showed us a roughly half-finished painting of a mountain range hanging on his mantle. “It’s bad, right? Kofi didn’t have time to finish because he had to get on a plane to Denver and go see Buffalo Bill’s grave. Which is apparently a thing he’s always wanted to do? I’m worried about him.”

Sending Out an S.O.S.

Xavier Woods, Kingston’s other New Day teammate, is also concerned. “Kofi stopped working out completely. He’s just watching the AFI’s Top 100 movies in order and donating blood. In fact, he’s been asking all of us if our organs are okay. Like, that’s not normal, right? Asking your friends if their organs are okay and if they think they’re going to need new organs? Me and Kofi have been friends for years, and he never asked about my organs before. Not even once.”

“Listen, I know I can beat Brock Lesnar,” Kingston told us, unprompted, in a follow-up conversation. “He doesn’t have my heart. Brock doesn’t have my determination. He doesn’t have my—ooh my hot air balloon is ready. Gotta go!”

Images: Pixabay/ WWE

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