Is It Ethical To Put Sunscreen On Total Strangers?

As we know, health is a public policy issue. Just as it’s our responsibility to stop the spread of diseases like measles, it’s also in all our best interests to prevent one another from health crises that put an undue burden on our healthcare system. We are all one, and if one of us is sick, we all are sick, and anyway, I’m pretty sure that means I can rub sunscreen on anyone I want.

We’re In This Together, So Stop Squirming

Listen people, it’s not the ’70s anymore. We know that the sun is a demon fire sent to ruin our lives with free radicals and cancer-causing UV rays. Gone are the days when we can frolic around out-of-doors like a family of nude fox cubs. If you let even one glorious heat ray touch your unlotioned skin, you’re basically deader than a sun-bleached doornail. And that means you’re doing us all a disservice by not standing still while I’m smearing this zinc oxide on your nose.

I know that technically I’m a “stranger,” but when you get down to it, even your congressperson is a “stranger” to you, and they make decisions about your healthcare all the time. So you really shouldn’t have a problem when you turn around in line at the grocery store to find me rubbing some Coppertone on your shoulders. I can already tell you’ve been getting some color today and it’s sweat-proof. I am SAVING you from embarrassing sweaty sunburns as well as cancer. Does that make me a monster? No. Does it make me a life-saving hero? You could certainly make that argument, yes.

Show Me In The Constitution Where It Says I Can’t Approach Strangers With Sunscreen

If you’re going to be ornery about this, and do childish things like “calling the cops” on me, we’re going to have to get serious here. I think it’s really unfortunate you’re taking this anti-skin-cell, pro-cancer stance. I think it’s even worse that you’re doing it while running away from me in this public park.

Go ahead, let them arrest me for putting sunscreen on total strangers, but don’t expect me to go quietly. I’ve seen our local police force, and many of them could use at least an SPF 50 around their under eyes.

Image: Unsplash/Amazon