3 Places To Build A BioShock City Devoted To Your Corrosive Right-Wing Ideals

February 12, 2022 by , featured in Video Games
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Are you a white man with big ideas? Do you feel stifled by the small-mindedness of your peers? Did you hurt animals as a child and get just the tiniest sexual thrill? Then you’re a perfect candidate to build a BioShock city—a place removed from the petty “morality” that’s holding our society back.

A BioShock city has to be built somewhere beyond the laws of man. In the first BioShock game, Andrew Ryan built the city of Rapture deep under the sea so he could pursue objectivism (a philosophy based on self-interest), capitalism, and hurting minorities. Then, in BioShock Infinite, Zachary Comstock founded Columbia, a city in the sky, as a monument to Christianity, American exceptionalism, and hurting minorities.

But if there are already BioShock cities in the sea and sky, what’s left for your abhorrent city of demagoguery? Don’t fret—there are still some extreme geographic locations left!

Deep Inside a Mountain

What better way to showcase the endless grit of the white conservative male than building a city within a mountain? But you’d better get drilling! It’ll take years to get deep enough into a mountain to build a whole city. Then you’ve gotta figure out a system to get fresh air pumping and electricity flowing. Not gonna lie, you’ll probably be dead by the time your great mountain city is complete. But at least you’ll have built a place for your children and your children’s children to cut poor people with knives and not get arrested.

The Earth’s Molten Core

Oh, so Andrew Ryan has a city under the sea? Well you could build a city even deeper under the sea—a city so deep, it can’t go any deeper without starting to come up into other hemispheres. That’s right, I’m talking about a city in the earth’s core. Of course, it would take a ton of engineering know-how to find a way to survive down there, but you’re a capitalist, baby! I’m sure you’ll figure it out*.

The Bloodstream of Michael Reagan, Ronald Reagan’s Favorite Son

If you’re already bending science to your will, consider shrinking your BioShock city down to the size of a molecule and putting it in the bloodstream of a man. Then your city will be small, just like the government should be. Personally, I’d go with Michael Reagan’s bloodstream. He’s the only son of Ronald Reagan that the former president didn’t consistently describe as “weak” or a “bummer.”

*Pay someone else to figure it out.

Images: Unsplash/2K Games

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