Eric Bischoff’s Greatest Accomplishments As Executive Director Of SmackDown
Eric Bischoff’s tenure as Executive Director of WWE SmackDown lasted less time than Kofi Kingston’s WWE Championship defense against Brock Lesnar. But that’s okay! Because ol “Eazy-E” still got a remarkable amount done in his short-but-sweet reign.
He Made the Show Start On Time at 8 P.M. EST!
SmackDown’s been on a lot of different nights and channels during its broadcast history, but it definitely always starts at 8 P.M. EST. When TV veteran Bischoff took over (a man with years of experience producing TV shows and doing karate), it was really important he knew what time the show started, and that it actually started at that time. Guess what? Eric was two for two!
He Got the Urinal Fixed on the Third Floor
A lot of people were fine ignoring the leaky urinal as it noisily ran water 24 hours a day. After all, it’s not their water bill! But not Eric. He was “sick and damn tired of hearing that damn toilet running water all the time!” and goldarnit, he got maintenance to fix it. Well, they’re working on it.
He Hired a Guy Who Was Found Asleep During His First Day on the Job
Seriously! This writer who was hired by Bischoff was immediately found sleeping in the writer’s room by Micheal P. S. Hayes (the “P. S.” stands for Pure Sexy, btw). But anyway, great hire, Eric. At least it wasn’t that dude from the Wonder Years again!
He Set Up His Voice Mail
It’s a complicated system! You have to know the pin in order to create your own pin. Then you have to record the outgoing message. But then to check your messages it’s one of those pins again, but which one? Actually, just call his cell.
He Talked to Cain Velasquez’s Manager (Who Was Just Rey Mysterio)
Listen, it’s not like a shirtless Cain Velasquez is just hanging around backstage with a knee brace inexplicably worn over his fashionable jeans, ready to challenge for the World Wrestling Entertainment Championship (when he’s thus far done zero World Wrestling Entertaining). This is an elite league and a publicly-traded multibillion dollar international corporation. Not just anyone can come in and rise straight to the top … unless their manager is Eric’s old WCW Cruiserweight pal Rey Mysterio Jr.— er … we mean, Rey Mysterio. Then, yeah, go ahead.
He Told Bruce Prichard All His Secrets
Eric’s therapist told him he needed to open up and trust more, so he got a confidante in the workplace he could trust. What could go wrong, right?
His Show Beat Monday Night Raw in the Ratings for an Entire 83 Weeks.
He Figured Out the Coffee Machine
That sumbitch was tricky.
He Drove His Wife and Entire Life from Wyoming to Relocate to Connecticut
He Has a Great Head of Hair. Always.
Can’t front on that.