Episode 14 – Easter Minisode
Hi, I’m Craig The Intern, and they make me transcribe these every week. Everything’s going great so far!
The Guest: The Spirit of Easter (Metaphorical)
Easter is very important to us here at Bunny Ears, because it has something to do with bunnies and Matt is a Jesus-loving motherfucker. Mack and Matt say they know nothing, but they try to quiz each other about the Easter story anyway. Matt’s Jewish and never learned the New Testament stuff, while Mack was raised Catholic and drank blood in the wine. Was Jesus a good Jew? Did he really have a silky beard and swimmer’s body? Matt is most confused by the cave in which Jesus was buried. Mack is confused by the Joseph of the Technicolor Dreamcoat/Old Testament and Jesus’s dad, thinking they’re the same, but he continues the story and compares Christ’s body to a Shrinky Dink.
We learn exactly how both Poochie and the Death of Superman are biblical allegories, as Mack and Matt wonder which biblical character Steel most represents.
Mack tries to describe all the different sects of Christianity, and it’s extra funny if you pretend he’s saying “sex” instead of sects! But how is Biggie Smalls related to all of that?
Matt asks if bunnies and eggs have been properly and fully retconned into Christianity, and Mack attempts to explain the unexplainable. The general consensus is that they both like Easter pretty well.
Are there Easter movies? Does Air Bud count? It totally should. And how old are those Cadbury Creme Eggs commercials anyway?
Matt and Mack close out the minisode by revealing the dark lie behind Werther’s Original candy ads.
Shrinky Dinks impressed kids in the ’80s when we all liked simpler things–basically, you colored in a picture on a thin sheet of plastic, put it in the oven, and it would shrink and turn into harder, thicker plastic. And probably fumes that were bad, but that was everything in the ’80s.
Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat may not be about Jesus’ dad, but it is a Bible-based musical where the Pharaoh sings like Elvis.
Air Bud is a movie about a dog who plays basketball. But it became so, so much more. If you count spin-offs, this mostly direct-to-video franchise has spawned 16 movies, including one where a dog becomes Santa, and this one where a monkey coaches a dog to become a pro-wrestler, starring John Hennigan/Morrison/Mundo:
The Werther’s Original commercial that is a filthy, dirty lie:
(Technically, the candy did exist beginning in 1903, but it wasn’t called “Werther’s Echte” until 1969, or “Werther’s Original” until the ’90s. The ad still LIES!)
2:11 – Catholics are the Christians who are into blood…aren’t they?
2:58-4:05 – Was Jesus a good Jew? Did the others kill him because he was a bad Jew? Or is that just Mel Gibson’s theory?
4:08-10:30 – The story of Jesus’ resurrection, according to Mack.
11:38 – Are bunnies blasphemous to Catholics?
14:04 – The Werther’s LIE.
Featured image: Flickr/HA! Designs – Artbyheather
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