Fetish Of The Month: Soup Porn

Hey there sex-positive adventurers! You and your special someone are about to embark on a sensual trip to Flavortown. And if all goes as planned, Guy Fieri will have nothing to do with it.

Our current fetish of the month is Soup Porn.

Soup Porn is a category of pornography that is comprised of a single video that once appeared on Reddit with the title, “Mmmmmm this is gonna be good.” No one knows exactly where the Soup Porn video came from, but it’s completely turned the sex and role-playing world on its engorged head. 

The 37-minute video features an exotic, zesty looking couple passionately kissing in an enormous cooking pot filled with what looks like beef stock. The couple is about waist-deep in the shimmering tan liquid, and appear extremely blissed out.The woman and man trade off sitting on each other’s laps as they lap each other up. 

A classically dressed chef, probably late 60s, stands outside the pot.  

He watches the spicy show at hand, and stirs the broth with a huge wooden spoon, saying, “Mmmmm this is going to be good” every couple minutes. It doesn’t get too hot, but it gets pretty steamy in there.

Hard yet? Well, let’s talk about how Soup Porn will completely revitalize your sex life. Those new to the Soup Porn lifestyle should start by watching the video every night. You’re never too busy to have an intimate moment with your partner, so make this a priority.

When you find the video, dim the lights, undress your partner to their comfort level, and watch together. Over the course of the 37 minutes, turn to your partner periodically and whisper, “Mmmmm this is gonna be good.”  Ask each other questions about who these people might be. How did they get such a large cooking pot? Who’s behind the camera, and why does it shake at the 11:17 mark? These are the kinds of questions that will make your special time a night to remember.

This nightly ritual will unlock incredible, next-level pleasure centers. Remember to keep the volume just high enough so that you can hear the soft swishing of the broth and “Mmmm this is gonna be good.” If the volume is too high, there’s a possibility of attracting Guy Fieri, who is constantly trying to get into Flavortown. You don’t want that to happen.

Once you and your partner have gotten into the soupy swing of things, you can begin getting in the broth yourselves. Ideally, someone would step forward and say, “Hey, I made that video. I know where to get a cooking pot of that size,” but the world is imperfect, so you’re going to have to use your bathtub. When it’s time to be intimate, fill the tub with a broth of your choice, and start getting horny. Many purists choose beef, but vegans often use vegetable broth, and high-level adventurers might even choose tonkotsu ramen.

Now it’s time to step in and begin kissing your loved one. This should last about 37 minutes. Don’t let the sounds or smells of the room distract you; just keep on furiously making out. If you happen to look up for a moment, you’ll notice that a 60-something chef is standing next to the tub, stirring the broth and occasionally saying, “Mmmmm, this is gonna be good.” Don’t pay too much attention to him; he’s just doing his job. However, if he’s saying it too loud, it’s imperative to take a quick pause to quiet him down. Guy Fieri might be lurking around the neighborhood, looking for Flavortown, and you really don’t want him to show up and start bothering you with tips and tricks.

Now that you understand the groundbreaking sexual power that Soup Porn can wield, get in that tub and start practicing! And please let us know @BunnyEarsWeb on Twitter if you have a favorite Soup Porn memory.

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Images: Pixabay, Pixabay, Pexels, Wikimedia Commons