I Think I’m Cute, I KNOW I’m Sexy—Thanks To Shawn Michaels

January 25, 2022 by , featured in Wrestling
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All throughout kindergarten and early grammar school I felt different from the other kids in my classes. The feeling went as far back as I could remember. Other children were fawned and gushed over—their checks squeezed, their tummies patted, but not I. My parents never took pictures of me atop a pumpkin during Autumn, or inside a little bucket during Little Bucket time.

No. No, I was never cute.

Cursed with steely blues eyes, a dark full mane, and a chiseled jawline since birth, I was born rigid and right-angled. Junior high began and—as other students flashed each other shy, brace-filled smiles—I was alone with my perfect teeth. I spent school dances at home with my Olympic swimmer-esque abdominal muscles and perfectly-sculpted chest. Forever lonely and out of place.

That’s when, out of desperation (and bored of my endless photo sessions with European fashion photographers) I turned on the living room television and caught the first hints of a mantra that re-framed my perspective and changed my life…

“DunnDunn DunnDunn DunnDunn DunnDunn oh, oh, oh, Shawn!”

It wasn’t that part. That part isn’t really words. It was the next part:

“I think I’m cute./I know I’m sexy./I got the looks, that drive the girls wild.” It continued: “I’ve got the moves, that really move them. I send chills, up and down down their spines/I’m just a sexy boy. Sexy boy./I’m not your boy toy. Boy toy.”

That’s when it hit me: I may not be cute, but I’m sexy. And that’s okay. On my best days, after a lot of work with my therapist and a good amount of personal affirmations, I accept it.

Thank you, Shawn Michaels. For everything.

If you liked this, you’ll ALSO probably like My WWE Action Figures Came To Life! But Then Turned Heel and also probably Introducing Triple H2O: Your New Favorite Beverage.

Images: WWE

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