An Exit Interview With Our Office Assistant, Jason Waterfalls

July 2, 2019 by , featured in Pop Culture
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We usually don’t post or publicly discuss personnel moves, but this is a little different. Our payroll and accounting assistant, Jason Waterfalls, put in his two weeks notice. Jason has been with Bunny Ears from the start, and we wanted to know why he was leaving. As a result, he generously agreed to an exit interview. 

BE: Jason Waterfalls…

JW: I’m outta here.

What? You’re leaving? What about the interview?

You’re already singing my name to the tune of that damn song.

I was?

Yes!

I didn’t even realize it. Please, let’s do the interview. We’re so bummed you’re leaving…

Don’t say it.

…don’t go, Jason Waterfalls.

Goddamit.

What? All I said was don’t go, Jason Waterfalls.

You get one more, and then I’m gone.

Jason, the entire Bunny Ears crew is very sad you’re leaving. 

Thank you.

We thought you were in it for the long haul. That working here would be how you make your money the best way you know how.

Oh, come on.

What do you mean?

What you just said. That’s a line from … you know what it’s a line from.

I’m just trying to do this interview to improve employee relations in the future.

Bullshit you are.

Are you leaving for medical reasons? Did your doctor say your health is fading and he doesn’t know why?

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You are the worst boss I ever had.

I am? I think you’re moving too fast!

Your need to make TLC jokes at my expense is almost a pathological disorder.

Mine?

This whole office. Every day—well, every time I’d walk by somebody’s desk, or pass somebody in the halls, or hand out a timesheet, they’d say thanks, stifle a laugh. Then I’d walk away, and they’d sing “Don’t go, Jason Waterfalls!”

Is that really so bad? Why’d you pick that name if you didn’t want people to comment on it?

That’s not how names work. 

Let’s get back the interview. Let’s stick to the rivers and the lakes that we’re used to.

You’re laughing so hard I have no idea what you just said.

Don’t worry about it.

Was it a “Waterfalls” joke?

Maybe. Maybe, maybe, maybe…

It was awful enough when it was just the “Don’t go, Jason Waterfalls.” Then you taught everybody the “please stick to the payroll and the tax forms you’re used to” bit.

That was me?

That’s why I’m leaving.

Jason, I’m … just wait, a second, okay?

What?

Don’t go … Jason Waterfalls! Ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, I’m gonna miss this.

Image: Pexels /Arista Records


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