Indie Wrestling Superstars You’ve Never Heard Of (Because They’re Babies)
All of us real wrestling fans like to be on the ground floor when it comes to the next wrestling indie darling, but with AEW and New Japan gaining popularity, it’s getting harder and harder to find the next big things before they hit the mainstream. So here’s a list of the best up-and-coming talent that will help you stay on the bleeding edge of smart mark.
4. El Poocho
When it comes to Lucha-style wrestling, you’re never too young to run the ropes—or in El Poocho’s case, you’re never too young to crawl them. From his papusa con hilo to his safety scissors take-down, this baby is made for wrestling. Just make sure his matches end before 6 P.M., otherwise he gets cranky and no le gusta. Also he’s a baby so, you know … probably don’t make him wrestle.
3. Lydia “Full Diaper” Ginero
You’d think this darling little girl with her chubby little cheeks and ankles would be a top baby face, but you’d be more wrong than an inside out diaper. As she showed in her nine-minute Iron Man match at last month’s PWB, this baby’s got claws. Plus, she cleared the entire crowd using nothing but her diaper as a foreign object. Also, please don’t make her wrestle. She is a baby after all.
2. Dirk Barrage
While almost a toddler, this soon-to-be hardcore legend has amazed crowds all around the HTD (Happy Turtle Daycare) scene. Known for being the “bad boy” of babies, Dirk specializes in the more violent styles of wrestling. Anything from his “The Floor is Lava” matches to his death defying “Loser Has To Eat A Booger” classics will surely grab your attention like a baba of warm milk. Just don’t tell his older sister, because she ruins everything. Also, wow. Babies shouldn’t be wrestling. This has to stop.
1. Lisa Brayden
At two weeks old, she’s the youngest on this list, but she’s here for good reason. She has … um … well she’s very good at … specializing in … look, man, it’s a baby. I mean, I guess she could be a good wrestler eventually but two weeks is too young. This is getting insane. She needs training, experience, and time for her soft, malleable head to harden. We have to wait until she’s at least six months before we definitely know otherwise. It’s dangerous, immoral, and, frankly, bad business.