’90s Toys Ranked By How Long It Took Doctors To Get It Out My Nose
The ’90s were a magical time for toys. Turtles could be ninjas, Elmo was ticklish, and Moon Shoes were the funnest way to break your ankle. And personally, when I think of ’90s toys, I can’t help but fondly remember the many, many, trips to the ER I took as a child to have them removed from my nasal cavity. Those were the days.
So without further ado, here’s my definitive list of ’90s toys, ranked by how long it took doctors to get them out my nose!
1.) Polly Pocket
I’ve had more Polly Pockets in my nose than you’ve had in your mouth. You really had to try to get these little ladies stuck up there, which of course I did. Luckily, they were pretty much designed to slide right out like a dream. Nine out of 10, would shove in my nose again.
2.) Every. Single. Teenie Beanie
Yes, even Britannia, the rare British beanie that currently goes for well over five dollars on eBay. Pinky the Flamingo’s foot has touched my brain. I once had a Patti the Platypus in each nostril. I’m happy to say every single Teenie Beanie was an absolute joy to have removed from my nose. The plushy fabric is easy on the nasal cavity, but not so absorbent that it dries anything out. Extraction is fun and easy, clocking in at an average of around six minutes per beanie. Ten out of 10. I highly recommend shoving these up your nose.
3.) My Size Barbie
Obviously, I could only fit one of her fingers up there, so it should have been a relatively simple procedure to remove it. However, her thumb has a wicked hook-shape, which made the whole thing way more difficult. Plus, sitting in the ER waiting room with a child-sized doll on my lap for three hours was pretty uncomfortable. We got some looks. All in all, not the worst experience. Five out of 10. You could stick it up your nose if you want to, but I wouldn’t recommend it.
4.) Silly Putty
The silliest thing about this ’90s toy is how freaking hard it was to get out of my nose. I was sneezing putty chunks for weeks. Even though the actual extraction process was mostly painless and only took about seven minutes, the aftermath was horrible. I do not recommend shoving this toy up your nose to anyone. Three out of 10, do not shove.
5.) Easy-Bake Oven
I’m legally barred from saying a lot about this incident, but, um, let me just tell you, don’t do it! Zero out of 10. The Easy-Bake Oven should not be put up your nose. It says that on the box now thanks to me!
What were your favorite ’90s toys that doctors had to get out of your nose? Tell us in the comments!