Our Dream Fall Menu Is A Plate of Teeth and a Photo of Our Dads
…BitCoins Revealed To Be Pogs All Along…
…BREAKING NEWS: Dumb Is Spelled With A ‘B’…
…9 Out Of 10 Dentists Agree: Vacuums Suck…
…Dog’s Feet Smell Like Vacuum Cleaner Bag…
…BREAKING NEWS: New Yorkers shocked to learn Staten Island isn’t part of New Jersey…
…AMBER ALERT: Amber Tamblyn…
…Colonel Sanders Found to Have Never Served in the Military…
…15 found dead in Warner Bros. Water Tower, at the Warner Movie lot…
…Snow Is Just Rain That Forgot To Melt…
…Forever 21 Turns 34 this year…
…Waldo still missing…
…Police Discover Two Bodies In Witch’s Oven…
…Forks and outlets: you decide…
…Trump Asks Media “What’s A Tariff?”…
…Man Wakes Up From 10 Year Coma, Asks, “What’s Up With Lance Armstrong?”…
…Quiz: Does He Know You’re Illiterate? …
…San Francisco and Oakland make up; will become one city…
…Hillary Clinton Still Roaming The Woods…
…Four turtles and a rat found dead of toxic poisoning…
…City Announces Subway Being Rebranded As “Uber Metro”…
… Michael Jordan Comes Out Of Retirement To Dunk On Angela Merkel…
…Scientists find that Vaping is dope AF…
…Supreme Court Rules: We Rule! …
…Ophthalmologist: Glasses Are Sexy…
…Hats are cool…
…Tropic of Cancer sues Caribbean Medical Board for copyright infringement…
…10 Out Of 10 Car Salesmen Agree, You Need A New Car…
…AMBER ALERT: Tiffany Amber Thiessen…
…The Academy Awards ‘In Memoriam’ Forgets To Mention Macaulay Culkin For The Third Year In A Row…
…Thoughts and prayers found to be cancerous…
…Mannequins found in store window…
…RIP KOKO…
…Newest Gaming Trend: Personal Space…
…Quiz: Which 90s Murderer Are You?…
…Corks Found To Only Be Holding Things Back…
…Psychic Predicts World Already Over…
Cancer linked to death!
…Queen Kong???…
…Cancer and Death to marry… cigarettes devastated…
…Teeth Found To Be Tongue Prison…
…Entertainment personality ahead in the polls…
…BREAKING: Grandmother Not Actually As Proud Of You As She Says…
…9 Out Of 10 Dentists Agree: Africa Is Not A Country…
…Quiz: Do You Have A Savior Complex Or Are You Just Jesus?…
…Secret Ingredient To Sushi Discovered: FISH…
…”Peacoat” not what name suggests…
…AMBER ALERT: Spoon; Last seen running away with a Dish…
…God found dead in space…
…Murder Victim Speaks Out…
…“Specialist” not a real designation…
… Red and Yellow Is The New Black…
…Study finds that 9 out of 10 studies are for nerds…
…Lindbergh baby missing…
Cigarettes linked to cancer!
…Local Mom Still Talking About Tupperware…
…Medieval Times to get modern update…
…Christmas Scheduled to Happen Again This Year…
…Roast Beef: Lunch Meat or Middle Toe? Little Piggies Respond…

Our Dream Fall Menu Is A Plate of Teeth and a Photo of My Dad

dream menu

When Bunny Ears asked me to handle our harvest menu planning, I was thrilled. I love entertaining, and fall is my favorite season to do it. I didn’t just want to create a BEAUTIFUL feast, I wanted to create my DREAM feast. So to inspire myself, I loaded up on Benadryl and rode that pink pony into the land of nod to scoop up some truly dreamlike ideas. After sleeping for a restful eighteen hours, I’m delighted to announce the fall menu of my dreams, literally!

Food these days has gotten so complicated. Israeli-inspired tacos. Architectural ceviche. I wanted to do something more direct. So after dreaming about a plate of teeth and a photo of my dad, I decided to serve a literal dream menu: a plate of teeth and a photo of my dad.

When serving a simple menu, execution is key. Especially when you’re serving teeth! Please don’t ask where the teeth came from!

There are many ways to serve your guests photos of their fathers. I considered transferring the photo of my dad to a gelatin sheet and placing the sheet atop a white apple crisp. In the end, however, I decided to ask for something a little different from my Swedish chef Olle (yes, a real Swedish chef! I only make him use the puppet on family nights, though). I asked Olle to recreate a portrait of my father by sticking autumn seeds in a squash flatbread. Sure, the seeds may get stuck in the teeth in your mouth, but they’ll also get stuck in the teeth on your plate. If your guests aren’t sophisticated enough to eat a plate of raw teeth, remind them that the teeth were VERY expensive to acquire. If that doesn’t work, you can, of course, create one of these LESSER dream menu dishes:

MOLAR MOLE

We love combining pumpkin and chilies with molars in this warm and fuzzy treat. If you want a smokier tooth, use chipotle peppers and try to get some yellowish looking teeth (they usually have a little nicotine still on them for an extra kick!)

WISE KING CAKE

In New Orleans, whoever gets the plastic baby in their king cake has to buy the next king cake. In my house, we play by the rules set by my grandpa, Gums Gale, who used to lean over the stew pot and shout “whoever gets the teeth GETS the TEETH.” So true, Gampi! The best reward for getting the wisdom teeth in your slice of cake is the wisdom teeth themselves.

ENAMELS FOSTER

Like my brother Ferdi always used to say, “when nothing else works, light it all on fire!” Thank you for asking about him, we believe that the arson convictions will be dismissed very soon. Anyway, dousing teeth in sugar and overproof rum (just like in your college years) makes for a very dramatic presentation.

CHICKEN INCISOR SALAD

In this variation on a ceasar salad, you replace the croutons with teeth. This way, you get the same crunch with none of the calories! We’re pretty sure. Well, regardless, you can expect to lose weight after you break all your teeth.

CAPTAIN CRUNCH

You can throw a bunch of teeth in a bowl of Captain Crunch, and no one will even notice. It’s delightfully nostalgic!

With the harvest rolling in, fall is a wonderful time for dentist-to-table eating. It’s a wonderful time to enjoy the leaves crunching beneath your feet and the teeth crunching beneath your teeth. With our dream-inspired dinner menu, your next party is sure to be a success.

IMAGES:  Pixabay, @ Spampinato_erin

Ella Gale
Ella Gale

Author - Engineer - Hilarious

Ella is a comedian and writer in Los Angeles, CA. She thinks the best comedy is like an open house in another person’s brain, and she would like to invite you into hers. Described by the Austin Chronicle as “exceedingly clever,” her jokes run the gamut from honest to absurd. She is a former engineer and unpaid intern who has performed at the Moontower and Limestone comedy festivals and whose work has appeared at the New York Television Festival.

No Comments Yet

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.