Our Dream Fall Menu Is A Plate of Teeth and a Photo of My Dad

October 8, 2018 by
Share this on
  • 7
    Shares

When Bunny Ears asked me to handle our harvest menu planning, I was thrilled. I love entertaining, and fall is my favorite season to do it. I didn’t just want to create a BEAUTIFUL feast, I wanted to create my DREAM feast. So to inspire myself, I loaded up on Benadryl and rode that pink pony into the land of nod to scoop up some truly dreamlike ideas. After sleeping for a restful eighteen hours, I’m delighted to announce the fall menu of my dreams, literally!

Food these days has gotten so complicated. Israeli-inspired tacos. Architectural ceviche. I wanted to do something more direct. So after dreaming about a plate of teeth and a photo of my dad, I decided to serve a literal dream menu: a plate of teeth and a photo of my dad.

When serving a simple menu, execution is key. Especially when you’re serving teeth! Please don’t ask where the teeth came from!

There are many ways to serve your guests photos of their fathers. I considered transferring the photo of my dad to a gelatin sheet and placing the sheet atop a white apple crisp. In the end, however, I decided to ask for something a little different from my Swedish chef Olle (yes, a real Swedish chef! I only make him use the puppet on family nights, though). I asked Olle to recreate a portrait of my father by sticking autumn seeds in a squash flatbread. Sure, the seeds may get stuck in the teeth in your mouth, but they’ll also get stuck in the teeth on your plate. If your guests aren’t sophisticated enough to eat a plate of raw teeth, remind them that the teeth were VERY expensive to acquire. If that doesn’t work, you can, of course, create one of these LESSER dream menu dishes:

DON’T MISS:
How To Use Dreams To Manifest Your True Power And Also Defeat That Blade-Fingered Snarling Boogeyman Who Keeps Stalking You For Some Reason

MOLAR MOLE

We love combining pumpkin and chilies with molars in this warm and fuzzy treat. If you want a smokier tooth, use chipotle peppers and try to get some yellowish looking teeth (they usually have a little nicotine still on them for an extra kick!)

WISE KING CAKE

In New Orleans, whoever gets the plastic baby in their king cake has to buy the next king cake. In my house, we play by the rules set by my grandpa, Gums Gale, who used to lean over the stew pot and shout “whoever gets the teeth GETS the TEETH.” So true, Gampi! The best reward for getting the wisdom teeth in your slice of cake is the wisdom teeth themselves.

DON’T MISS:
Substitutions For Exotic Ingredients That Are, Ugh, Fine

ENAMELS FOSTER

Like my brother Ferdi always used to say, “when nothing else works, light it all on fire!” Thank you for asking about him, we believe that the arson convictions will be dismissed very soon. Anyway, dousing teeth in sugar and overproof rum (just like in your college years) makes for a very dramatic presentation.

CHICKEN INCISOR SALAD

In this variation on a ceasar salad, you replace the croutons with teeth. This way, you get the same crunch with none of the calories! We’re pretty sure. Well, regardless, you can expect to lose weight after you break all your teeth.

CAPTAIN CRUNCH

You can throw a bunch of teeth in a bowl of Captain Crunch, and no one will even notice. It’s delightfully nostalgic!

With the harvest rolling in, fall is a wonderful time for dentist-to-table eating. It’s a wonderful time to enjoy the leaves crunching beneath your feet and the teeth crunching beneath your teeth. With our dream-inspired dinner menu, your next party is sure to be a success.

IMAGES:  Pixabay, @ Spampinato_erin


Share this on
  • 7
    Shares

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

logo
Home Shop Proclivities Diet & Exploration Upscale Culture Podcasts