Feminist Baby Names For Boys That Are Mostly Nicknames For The Vulva

June 26, 2019 by , featured in Lifestyle
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News flash: Your baby’s name says more about you than it does about your baby, so you better pick a good one that virtue-signals what an adamant feminist you are. And while giving your daughter a feminist name is now the norm, what if you have a boy? You’re going to have to give that young oppressor a name, too. So let this name guide shine a light on some of the most creative names for your future male feminist. Specifically, names that are basically just words for vaginas. Because if you’re not part of the solution (openly voicing your support of feminism by naming your baby boys after lady parts), you’re part of the problem.

 

Bloomer

Origin: English. Amelia Bloomer was an American suffragette and the first woman to wear Hammer pants, originally called “Bloomers.” This sporty name also evokes the florality of the female vulva, reminding your son where he came from.

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Fud

Origin: Scottish. Lest we get too flowery, there are some strong monosyllabic names for the vag that sound extremely masculine. Fud sounds like the sound that a guy makes after Batman knocks him on his ass. It’s also a fun Scottish slang term for pussy. In sales, FUD also refers to “fear, uncertainty, and doubt.” If that doesn’t describe the experience of owning a pussy, we don’t know what does. Connect your offspring to the feminine mystique.

Mons

Origin: Latin. Mons isn’t just a city in Belgium, it’s the Latin word for “an area of the body which is higher than the surrounding areas.” This name comes from the term mons pubis, which refers to the vulval mound. So perfect for a boy

Guiche

Origin: French. Technically the guiche is the perineum, the area between the vulva and the anus. Paying homage to this important liminal space is a great way to shatter the gender binary. Not every feminist has a vulva, but everyone has a gooch.

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Tang

Origins: Filipino, Astronaut. Naming your son Tang helps reclaim the historical derogatory term “poontang” by bestowing it upon your beautiful child, who we’re sure will carry it with poise.

Bush

Origin: English. Many of us come from conservative families, and what better way to trick your white parents than to name your son after not one, but two presidents? This way you can wait until a particularly testy Thanksgiving to scream across the table, “I named him after my pubic hair, Mom!”

30 More Feminist Baby Names for Boys:

Bader
Beaver
Biffer
Bootch
Buff
Chooch
Cooch
Cooter
Goodgood
Gootch
Hairy Potter
Kebab
Majoro
MC (“My Child” or “Meat Curtains”)
Minge
Monistat (pronounced “Monserrat”)
Muff
Muppet
Pankhurst
Pooter
Punter
Snootch
Tarbell
The Truth
Tubman
Tutu
Virtue
Winfrey
Woolf
Wugget

Let us know if we missed any!

Image: Pixabay


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