For The Last Time, I’m An Electrician, Not An Energy Healer

I have no idea how to balance your chakras. I cannot cleanse your home of toxic chi. And I definitely will be unable to release negative energy from your vagina after sex with Brian. However, I can replace the light fixtures in the bathroom. That’s because, and I’m saying this for the last time, I’m an electrician, not an energy healer.

There’s clearly been a miscommunication. All I know is circuit breakers and wall outlets. Give me a call if you need a ceiling fan installed. Just don’t ask if I can detoxify your healing center. That’s nonsense to an electrician. But it probably makes sense to an energy healer, which is not what I am because, again, I am an electrician who can install or repair a building’s electrical components. One time a lady got mad at me when I showed up to an appointment without my healing stones. She let me borrow her set, then closed her eyes and laid down on her couch. I had no idea what to do, so I gently tossed the rocks at her. Some of the rocks were very pretty, and I felt bad about throwing them. She left a nasty Yelp review.

The mix up happens so often that sometimes I wonder if maybe I can help these people with the tools I’ve got. Can I “realign your chakras” with needle-nose pliers and a wire stripper? If so, then I’ll give it a shot. But that sounds more like black-market surgery to me. I’ll probably go in there to fix your fried energies and end up just stabbing you with little to no benefit.

So, for the last time, I’m not an energy healer. I am a certified electrician. I’m not going to channel energies from the core of the earth or from space or wherever and have them meet in your solar plexus so you can be simultaneously energized by the terrestrial and celestial. I don’t even know what the hell I just wrote; I’m just repeating it verbatim from a guy who asked me to do it once. Luckily, he had a busted light switch so I still got paid.

Images: Pixabay