The WWE Hall Of Fame Needs To Induct Captain Insano … NOW!

Dear WWE, I am writing on behalf of WrestleMania fans everywhere in the hopes that you will correct a grave injustice—one that has gone on for far too long. When will Captain Insano be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame? He has been opening up cans upon cans of whoop-ass since 1998, and yet, you have forsaken him. Reasons why Captain Insano is a WWE legend:

1. He Loves His Fans

Captain Insano is always looking to help young up-and-comers passionate about wrestling. He’d even be willing to take on a water boy as his protégé. Well, as long as that water boy isn’t a 31-year-old virgin who lives at his mama’s house and wears Deputy Dog pajamas. 

2. He Shows No Mercy

Wrestlers these days have too much empathy, but not Captain Insano. He’s not afraid to go for the balls … the eyeballs that is! He’ll poke you in the eyes so hard that you’ll see the future probably.

3. He is a Human Can Opener

Did you know that the Captain holds the all-time record for opening up cans of whoop-ass? Legend has it that one time he went camping with his posse, but they left the can opener behind. If it wasn’t for the Captain using his wicked can-opening skills, he and his friends would have starved to death.

4. He is a Patriot

While Captain Insano is famous for many things, the most valiant of them all is the stars and stripes on his uniform. Bottom Line: We need to stop asking what Captain Insano can do for us, but what we can do for Captain Insano. So let’s band together and get WWE to finally give this man his due. It’s time to wake up and smell the whoop-ass.

Image: Happy Madison Productions