How Do You Tell If An Object Sparks Joy Or Just Gave You An Orgasm Once?
Everyone loves Marie Kondo and her advice on decluttering your home, but getting rid of those sentimental objects can be tough. When I tried it last weekend, however, I found this method to be very effective. In fact, it was maybe too effective, because basically all I have left now are vibrators and cake mix.
I don’t have anymore living room furniture, but I do have a shirtless photo of Justin Timberlake from his *NSYNC days that’s been hanging in my bedroom since junior high. He’s standing in front of a waterfall. It definitely sparks joy, but I do miss my living room sofa.
One of the areas most affected by my KonMari cleaning was the bedroom. Lot of pillows left in there. Just a whole lot of pillows and no blankets.
I thought for sure the old boyfriend that’s been lying around my living room in his underwear for ages would go right out, but nope. Something just made me keep him. I’m not exactly sure what. I took all of the curtains out of my house, but I kept my old Glo Worm doll and that vibrating broomstick Harry Potter toy? Oh. I may have just realized what all of these items have in common.
There’s no more toilet paper in my house anymore, but I have three electric toothbrushes. I’m all out of cleaning products, but if you need a back massager, I’ve got about six of those in my closet. I’m pretty sure two are broken, but what can I say? I picked them up, and joy was sparked. Also, I threw out everything in my pantry but 12 boxes of super moist cake mix.
Thank you for your service, kitchen table, but you just don’t spark any joy. You’ve been great, CPAP machine, and I’m pretty sure I need you to not die in my sleep, but you give me no joy, so bye. And you, Michael Crichton novels, I think I’m going to miss you most of all. Amish romance books, you can stay. The washer and dryer are still here, but I have no clothes, so I guess I’ll just be washing these pillows a lot, which is probably a good idea anyway.
The good news is you can learn from my mistakes! If you try the KonMari method, please keep in mind that household items that have sexually stimulated you may be more difficult to part with. When you hold the item in your hand, ask first “Did it make me come?” and second “But do I really need all of these old PlayStation 2 controllers?”