Faces To Make In First Class To Seem Humble To Passing Poors
It’s an age old conundrum: What does one do with one’s face when one accidentally makes eye contact with a coach passenger as they shuffle past? How does one appear humble yet regal? What if the revolution the poors have been talking about starts here on this plane? This face guide will make you seem approachable for the three seconds it takes for the impoverished to pass you by, and then you can demand your hot towel and champagne and recline all the way back until you get to get off the plane 10 minutes before everyone else.
This shrug says “I don’t know how I got here, either.” You know full well that it’s because you earned it by being born to wealthy parents, but the folks in coach don’t need to know that. All they need to know is that you know that it’s crazy you’re sitting there, and you simply cannot believe it, either.
A quiet stare of loving affirmation tells any poor people that might be thinking of killing and eating you for your wealth that you see them, you love them, and only wish the best for them. Model your look after Puss in Boots from the Shrek movies. Big eyes, small mouth, chin down. Project love from your heart to theirs. The more vulnerable you look, the more you telegraph the idea that you’d probably taste bad if someone tried to eat you.
A Fun And Flirty Eye Mask
I like to wear one that says “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” because it is a cute pun that evokes nostalgia and puts a peppy song in the heads of the proletariat, which is technically a form of class warfare.
“Fuck Me” Eyes
This look turns a gross class inequality into a modern-day retelling of Romeo And Juliet. You would be fucking right now but for the fact that your poor would-be lover is absolutely not allowed to use the first class bathroom. As the curtain separating your seats closes, give them one last lingering look that says “Au revoir, mon amour.” Give them something to strive for.