This Summer’s Hottest Diet Is Staring At The Ocean Thinking About Food
Summer is the perfect time for reflecting on our present selves, our current needs, and most importantly, how fucking starving we are. Let’s be real: Bikini season lasts three months, and you want to keep it tight. And if you’re going to stay motivated and keep pie out of your pie hole, you need some inspiration. So on that note, consider summer’s hottest diet: These pictures of skinny women staring at the ocean, probably thinking about food.
This is Claire. She hasn’t had a lick of protein beyond her daily yak hemp shakes since February. You see how Claire is staring down at the ocean, as if to show she’s luxuriating in the natural wonders of our world ? No, Claire has actually spotted a tiny hermit crab and is wondering if she could stuff it into her mouth and crunch it before the crawling felt icky. Claire is tabulating the fat content of a hermit crab, in her long-sleeved t-shirt in the ocean. Don’t do it, Claire. Stay strong.
Look at Phaedra, out there enjoying the beauty of the White Cliffs of Dover. What a remarkable place to sit and contemplate the ancientness of the earth and the transience of all things! In actuality, Phaedra is remembering how two months ago, she gave up cow milk, almond milk, soy milk, oat milk, and breast milk. Her calcium levels are incredibly low, and Phaedra just can’t help but imagine gnawing on those pristine, chalky cliffs like the giant Tums they are. Luckily, Phaedra has super-glued her hands to that bench, so temptation can’t touch her. Good job, Phaedra!
We’re so proud of Melisse, who is not just staring at the ocean—she’s become the ocean. Literally, in her weakened state, Melisse waded out a little too far and let the waves crumple her malnourished body into its final, Insta-worthy pose. Her last words, whispered to the wind, will echo across this beach forever: “Taaaaaaaater totssssssss.”