Try This Irresistible, Sense-Delighting, Open Wound Salve
Open wound salves are a huge part of my everyday routine, which is why I know not all salves are created equal. In fact, most wound ointments not only sting when applied, but they come out greasy—and no one wants to get that oily mess on a loved one or sexual partner. I need the kind of salve that will improve my mood, give me new perspective, test my endurance, and arouse my senses. I demand to be inspired by the open wound salve that I put in and on my skin.
Which is why I was more than intrigued when I heard about Bunny Ears Genesis Open Wound Salve (retailing for $210, but on sale for our readers for $200!). According to the Bunny Ears website, the salve is designed to leave you feeling sexy, vivacious, and young (and also, help seal your wounds).
But was it too good to be true? I decided to find out.
When I first received my jar of Bunny Ears Genesis Open Wound Salve I was admittedly skeptical at best. The bottle alone left me with more questions than answers.
“Heal, satisfy, exfoliate, redistribute, reawaken, heal, sizzle, and hydrate your open wound with the incredible power of over six ingredients that our Bunny Ears scientists will never reveal to the general public,” the label read.
The directions left me even more hesitant: “Experience the raw power of the patented blend of “something” as you rub our salve all over your leg, arm, midsection, face, or anywhere else you might have an open wound. And always be sure to wrap yourself in sheets to help with the shivering.”
I was also a little taken aback when I opened the jar and saw the actual product. It could perhaps best be described as looking like a bunch of oatmeal that’s been dropped in a vat of mayonnaise and then stirred around for days and days. Meanwhile, the odor was somehow both familiar…yet unplaceable. Was it a dirty river? A city pigeon? The acrid breath of my fifth grade piano teacher?
However, I soon applied it, and my doubts (and wounds!) melted away. I dolloped the salve onto my various open sores and could feel it working almost instantly. And by “feel” I mean I experienced a sensation that can best be described as “if fire was just slightly cooler.” It oozes and bubbles, and if you think it hurts, you’re probably just not using enough.
It also gave me the distinct feeling of, “Is that limb still attached to me, or is it off doing its own thing now?” It was almost a spiritual experience. Plus, your whole home will take on that smell.
I highly recommend this product if you’re in the market for a life-altering, psychedelic experience with only moderate to intense physical pain.
The Bunny Ears Genesis Open Wound Salve comes in three sizes: Regular, Industrial (great for mercenaries or people who fall down a lot), and of course Travel Size (for when you lose a finger during intense adventure travel).