Creationists Group Does Not Believe Luchasaurus Is Real
Luchasaurus is a six-foot-five, 234 pound, 65 million-year-old luchador/dinosaur hybrid currently signed with AEW. But a creationist group is speaking out against the wrestler, saying Luchasaurus doesn’t exist, and is nothing more than a test from God to lead Christians away from the biblical truth that the Earth is thousands, and not millions, of years old.
“We believe the word of God as written in the Bible. It’s clear that everything on Earth, and therefore professional wrestling, was created 6,000 years ago,” said Wallace Neighborne, an advocate for Genesis Truth, the group denouncing Luchasaurus.
“Of course we believe dinosaurs existed, but we know they were brought into existence on the sixth day, along with land mammals and Adam and Eve.” Neighborne continued. “For Luchasaurus to go around suggesting he is 65 million years old is an obvious lie.”
Wait, Back in the Day, Dinosaurs Fucked Luchadors?
“When God sent the Great Flood to cleanse the Earth, many dinosaurs didn’t make it onto the arc. Or they went extinct later,” said Neighborne, while stroking his mustache-less beard. “We know dinosaurs weren’t out here reproducing with luchadors. Is that even biologically possible?”
We should be clear here: The science is in, and Luchasaurus is genetically 50 percent luchador and 50 percent dinosaur. Plus, fossil records indicate that he is at least 65 million years old. But evidence of dinosaurs being chokeslammed as far back as the Triassic period won’t sway Genesis Truth.
“Science depends on observation. There were fewer people who saw these supposed early Luchasaurus matches than there were at the Mankind–Rock Empty Arena Match. Plus, it is very easy for Satan to produce videos of ‘Luchasaurus’ old matches.’ True believers, however, will not be swayed.”
When asked what other avenues Genesis Truth was taking to spread The Word, Neighborne revealed that the group is now working on a new mission plan. Their hope is to spread their message to Godless heathen Jungle Boy.