Introducing Culk-Inn, The World’s First Macaulay Culkin-Themed Luxury Hotel
For a while, the cool thing for exorbitantly wealthy famous people was telling normies how to live via lifestyle blogs. But that’s becoming a thing of the past, and now it’s all about signature luxury hotels. Which is why we’re introducing Macaulay Culkin’s hotel: Culk-Inn.
Built in the mansion from Richie Rich, every aspect of Culk-Inn is based on some element from the films of Macaulay Culkin. Also, it’s been moved from a Hollywood backlot to the heart of Manhattan (the setting of Culkin’s 1992 smash hit Home Alone 2!). Stay at the Culk-Inn and you, too, will be “lost” in New York—lost in luxury and forced references to the films of Macaulay Culkin, that is.
Other world-class hotels may feature a giant, heated swimming pool with marbled waterfalls, but we can guarantee there are no other hotels on the planet with a luxurious pool lined with a tile mosaic of that scene from The Good Son where Macaulay Culkin’s character falls off a cliff.
Breathe That Sweet Uncle Buck Air
Our air is especially sumptuous, because we only use air conditioning units from the Uncle Buck cast trailers. “The air in my Buck trailer was so perfect that I simply had to recreate it for my guests,” Culkin always says.
Heal … Mostly With Bees
When relaxing and reconnecting with yourself, it’s important to also connect with nature. Enjoy our solarium, full of exotic plants with the words “GETTING EVEN WITH DAD” scrawled onto their leaves in non-toxic paint. Meditate and reflect in our apiary, home to the actual swarm of bees from My Girl. Take a one-on-one yoga class in our secluded, wooded greenspace with your complimentary Wish Kid yoga mat. (It’s a Saturday morning cartoon Macaulay Culkin made in 1991. It’s quite good.)
Indulge in Macaulay Culkin-Themed Foods
Our extensive room service menu offers only notable food from the films of Macaulay Culkin. That is to say our room service menu solely offers cheese pizza, as seen in Home Alone. However, this cheese pizza is artisanal and prepared by culinary icon José Andres.
Note: All staff members must dress like Michael Alig, the terrifying club kid portrayed by Macaulay Culkin in Party Monster. Also, bed linens matching the exact eye color of The Good Son’s Elijah Wood are available upon request.
Images: Pexels, Pixabay, World of Wonder Films, Twentieth Century Fox