Underwear For Working Out And Other Fake Things You Need
The world of fashion has become so versatile and, at the same time, incredibly specific. Gone are the days when you could wear the same jeans to work, the bar, and yes, sometimes as pajamas. So these are our top picks for activity-specific fashion that you definitely need—like underwear for working out! And not just because amassing a pointlessly enormous wardrobe fills the cavity in your chest where your heart should be.
1. Underwear for Working Out—And ONLY Working Out
These are just underwear, but they’re made of that stretchy material they use for sports bras and stuff. This means they absorb moisture better than your plain ol’ regular underwear (apparently?). You absolutely must buy these—even if you just jog for half an hour and then shower like a normal person.
2. Jeans for Awkward Conversations
Yes, these are technically just relaxed fit jeans. You probably already have 12 pairs just like them. But these are special jeans. They’re the jeans you put on when you need to tell an underling that they have to start putting on deodorant before coming into the office, or a neighbor that their Christmas display is too tacky for the homeowner’s association’s liking. When you put on your awkward conversation jeans, you become a warrior—at least that’s what the commercials say. Bottom line: You need these.
3. Shoes for Edging Your Way Along the Precariously Narrow Ledges Outside of a Building to Spy on the Antagonist
We’ve all been there: You’re on a secret mission, and circumstances have colluded in such a way that you are forced to carefully edge your way along the outside of a building toward the window of the room where the antagonist is plotting their evil scheme so you can find out what they’re up to. The next time it happens, don’t be caught without these special shoes. They’re really grippy on the bottoms. No, they’re not just running shoes. Yes, I really do need them and I’m not just “burying myself under a mountain of debt for no reason,” thank you very much.
4. Watches for Time Travel
Okay, yes, time travel isn’t currently a scientific possibility. But it might be someday. And when it is, you’ll want to add the past and the future to your travel journal. Of course, you’ll need a different watch for every potential time period you visit lest you get recognized as the future-man Time Lord you are (and nobody wants that). In fact, you’ll need so many watches that you should probably build a special watch room on the side of your house. Lord knows you’ve got nothing else going on.
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