We Cracked Open Old Video Game Hardware And Ate What Was Inside
Only ’80s and ’90s kids truly know the joy of a classic video game system. You were the luckiest kid in the world when your parents bought you an NES with the light gun and the double Super Mario Bros./Duck Hunt cartridge. You felt like a king on Christmas when you opened up a Power Glove. But did you know all your old video game hardware was full of tasty delights, too? We’re not gonna say how we found out (only that it definitely didn’t involve breaking into a GameStop at 4:00 A.M. when we were somehow still hungry after too many edibles). Regardless of any looting that may or may not have occurred, here’s what we found.
Under the flimsy glove fabric was just a bunch of wires. They tasted pointy and bitter. But beneath the wires was a layer of rich, creamy chocolate, and although it was produced in 1989, the chocolate was still pretty tasty.
Inside of the mat you ran on to play World Class Track Meet on the NES and literally nothing else is a smooth, gelatin-like substance. The texture was not unlike the inside of the icepack we tasted last week for our forthcoming article on what all the things in your childhood medicine cabinet taste like. It tasted like the Vicks VapoRub we also ate last week.
Nintendo Entertainment System
Motherboards are crunchy and rip up your mouth worse than a bowl of Cap’n Crunch, but they do have a vaguely grape flavor.
This particular video game hardware consists of nothing but sawdust. It tasted like sawdust.
None of us ever had one of these bad boys, so who knew this thing reeked of peanut butter? One staffer, who was still wearing the chocolate-laced remnants of the Power Glove, got the idea to dip it into the TurboGrafx. It tasted exactly like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup.
What gave this peripheral its “magical” powers to grant infinite lives? Apparently, it was pink cotton candy.
E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial Cartridge
We all remember when this game was released that the promise that each cartridge was supposedly full of Reese’s Pieces–flavored pudding was a key promotional strategy. That wasn’t a total lie—there was pudding inside, but it was vanilla. That’s okay. We’d already scratched our Reese’s itch with the TurboGrafx.
Just stuffed with unwrapped Slim Jims.