Podcast Episode 22: Shawn “DeBosse” DePasquale (Annotated)

Hi, I’m Craig The Intern, and they make me transcribe these every week. Everything’s going great so far! Do you ever wonder why stuff is so great here? Or how it is kept great? We might find out when our boss speaks this week…

The Guest: BunnyEars.com editor Shawn DePasquale

The Lowdown:
We kick off this week with a BIG REVEAL: The reason everyone harps on Stew’s hometown is that they want him to get on the Wikipedia page for Columbus, OH, under “Notable citizens.”

It’s time to talk about the website a little bit, and how Mack’s good fortune has allowed him to live a certain kind of lifestyle that he wants to share with the world. This week’s guest, editor Shawn DePasquale, is J. Jonah Jameson, Perry White, and Laurence Fishburne all in one for the site, and the guys discuss hazing him. Shawn tries to describe the site but the other guys keep distracting him and going on tangents about Emmanuel Lewis. But it’s something about invisible vampires.

What does everyone want to happen when they die? Shawn wants to be shot into space and into the sun. Stew wants a tombstone that reads, “I’m standing right behind you.” Mack wants a tombstone to say he was Superman, killed by Doomsday. Matt wants his body to travel around indefinitely, being photographed and then re-mailed somewhere else.

Stew is 37 years old and Matt is 33. Stew thinks he’ll live longer, and push Matt’s body into the ocean. At least two of our hosts have danced on a grave, we think…because they went to a concert at Hollywood Forever. How lucrative would a graveyard lemonade stand be? Nobody can agree whether cemeteries are super-busy or nearly empty most of the time.

Shawn wants to address some common misconceptions about the website, but instead he plugs the interview between Mack and the bees from My Girl, and the various 4/20 articles about how to pretend to be a stoner, or how stopping weed may make you realize you hate your boyfriend. He gets asked often how involved Mack is, and the answer is a lot. Stew plugs his own Stew Corner articles, and says everything in them actually happened to him. Mack and Matt love the horoscopes, and they read some.

This is followed by some slanderous statements about yours truly by Matt. My lawyer, by which I mean my mom, has advised me not to comment further on this matter for now. Thank you, Shawn, for saying nice things on my behalf.

Shawn talks about some of the other BE writers and their prior achievements, and plays a pre-recording made by Dathaniel Gerdude, who sounds unhappy. I want to hug him. Feedback for the site has been really positive, in general. Mack sings the praises of Guru Jeff Roberts, whom he did not meet in Nepal. The discussion turns to vestigial organs, and Matt and Stew try to claim they’re more evolved for not having hair on top. Shawn plays a recording from Guru Roberts’ associate that cuts off abruptly and dramatically.

The guys discovered Shawn when he was working at a dispensary; now he runs the Mack online empire, but he wants to share the credit with all the great writers. (AND INTERN! Oh wait, did he say that? Not sure. Let’s pretend he did.)

Adult summer camp (with open bar) Camp No Counselors comes up; as an April Fool’s joke, they said Mack was going to come, and Mack responded with a list of demands. They seem to have been met, because he’s going, but he hasn’t specifically said to which one yet. Mack reveals that he was offered a role in The Sandlot but was too busy at the time. Shawn says he was offered a part in Jaws and regrets that it never happened. He does a shark impersonation we can’t hear on speakers.

Matt and Shawn sometimes write together as the Cabin Boys, and used to have a podcast together for College Humor on which they played brothers. They discuss maybe bringing it back for Bunny Ears, since nobody can find the podcasts now.

Of course Shawn is having fun doing what he does! What else is he going to say? He loves everything. The guys argue about who is most manic, and whether drinking river water is legit. But spiritual and physical conditioning is part of the site too – not just what you eat and drink. They then try to come up with some new slogans for the site.

THE GAME: Topic is websites. Shawn vs. Mack.

And round two: Matt vs. Stew on things you’ll find in a Target store! [This is a good one.]

The Highlights:

12:30-15:02 Grave desecration, crowds at cemeteries, and why Matt doesn’t like to visit tombstones.

42:25-43:01 Shawn wishes he could have played the shark in Jaws, and does a silent shark impersonation.

45:45-46:38 Matt freestyle raps as “Dr. Dreidel.”

50:06-51:46 Matt and Shawn impersonate Stew as a generic white-guy rapper, leading to an argument about place settings.

The Links:

-As of this writing, here is the Wikipedia page for notable people from Columbus, Ohio. No Stewart P. Miller yet.

-Emmanuel Lewis is the star of the ’80s sitcom Webster. Often confused with Gary Coleman, he is indeed still alive:

-Want to go to Camp No Counselors with Mack? Here’s how you do it.

Contact the Guest!

Shawn DePasquale: @ShawnWrites on Twitter.

Contact The Guys!

Email: [email protected]
Twitter: @bunnyearspod
Instagram: @bunnyearspodcast
Telephone: 845-EZE-HOAX

Mack
Twitter @IncredibleCulk
Instagram: Culkamania

Stew
Twitter: @SuaveAdventurer
Instagram: @SuaveAdventurer

Matt Cohen
Twitter: @Cameltoad
Instagram: @Cameltoad

Image: Universal/the Victim