Macaulay Culkin’s Official Holiday Gift Guide!
As many of you surely know, the founder of this website (Mr. Macaulay Culkin) is kind of the holiday guy. So what better person to guide you through your holiday shopping than Mr. Christmas himself? Read on for his simple, no-fail items that are sure to please everyone on your list. Literally, all of them. Get the same thing for everyone—from grandma to your neighbor’s cousin’s stepson—and they’ll all be equally pleased. You’re welcome.
1. A “Shirt” Shirt for Any Sense of Style
This stylish “shirt” shirt screams, “I wanted to buy you a shirt but didn’t know what you like on them. So here’s a shirt that literally embodies my good intentions. I’m confident you’ll love it.”
2. A Mixtape Filled with Only Songs about Butts
Who doesn’t love butts? You can (consensually) grab them, stick things in them, and bounce stuff off them. They’re basically perfect, and don’t you ever let anyone tell you different. Revel in universal butt love with a carefully curated mixtape dedicated to dat ass.
3. A Day in the Life of the Rich and Famous in the Form of This Macaulay Culkin Tee
Everyone wants their 15 minutes of fame, but the truth is we can’t all have perfect comedic timing or nice asses. This Macaulay Culkin tee gives us all the gift of celebrity. Anywhere. Any time.
4. These Macaulay Culkin-Designed Socks
Who doesn’t love adorable Happy Socks-brand socks? Monsters, that’s who. Get ’em here.
5. Universal Healthcare
Trust us, this is the perfect gift for literally anyone. Little Johnny’s braces? Done. Mom’s knee replacement surgery? Check. Aunt Debbie’s crippling fear of Justin Timberlake? No problem (because mental health services will be included in this plan). And as an added bonus, providing your loved ones with a lifetime supply of free healthcare should automatically get you out of every gift-giving event in perpetuity.
6. Empty Gift Cards
Let’s be real: Nobody’s going to be able to get jack shit with a $15 Old Navy gift card, which is also realistically all you can afford right now. But empty gift cards are free and allow your giftees the greatest gift of all: freedom of choice. Now they can load them up with the exact amount of money needed to purchase whatever their heart desires. That, friends, is what you call a win-win.
There you go—gifts that work for literally everyone—straight from Macaulay Culkin himself!