It’s summer, and at Bunny Ears, that means exactly two things: taco bowls and experimenting with dangerously powerful exotic hallucinogens from around the globe. Why not mix the two? After all, psychoactive substances have proven spiritual and psychological benefits, and taco bowls are delicious. To ensure a taco bowl of maximum mind-opening, exotic flavor, we’ll be using bufotenin, a naturally-occurring compound found in several species of venomous toad.
First, you’ll need to consult with your local shaman. The only reliable sources for psychoactive Central American toad venom are shamans. Once you convince your shaman to sell you toad venom despite their strong warnings and commands to only ingest psychedelic toad in the context of traditional religious ceremonies, you’re ready to start making your taco bowl! Here are the astoundingly simple ingredients you’ll need to make this delicious and entrancing dish:
- Tofu (1 lb.)
- Vinegar (1 tablespoon)
- Coconut butter (1 tablespoon)
- Dill (1 bunch)
- Maca (pinch)
- Ghee (optional)
- Salt to taste
- CBD oil (1 bottle)
- Bufotenin (from toads)
1. Fast for at least 48 hours. This will facilitate spiritual enlightenment by making sure you get super fucked up.
2. Pickle chunks of tofu in vinegar and CBD oil and call it “salmon” in defiance of the laws of language and man.
3. Add dill to ghee. Now it is “herbed ghee.” Heat with the coconut butter in the cast iron skillet, adding the salted maca for that extra kick.
4. As it cooks, energetically cleanse it with sage, tune it with sound waves from whatever crystal bowls you have lying around, activate it with mantras, and bless it with reiki, just as you would with any other taco bowl. Otherwise, you may die.
5. Turn off heat. This is also important in order to survive this dish.
6. Snort a decent line of the powdered toad venom.
7. A moment later, awaken into a phantasmic reality that feels like God is punching you in the face.
8. Vomit. You will vomit.
9. Enjoy 45 minutes of hallucination so powerful that it’ll make LSD look like a package of Oreos.
10. When you come down again, you will likely be hungry form all the vomiting, so enjoy your taco bowl as much as it will allow.