Elizabeth Teets

Because why shouldn’t they learn from your fears?

I had tried everything.

This third one definitely won’t help with your crippling social anxiety!

How do you decide where to go to find inner peace and hopefully an affair with someone whose voice doesn’t make you wish you would just die already.

She has such good taste, and really springs for the good stuff!

No man should be going around calling women names unless they are in my bed, kitchen, or bathtub and I am about 30 seconds away from le petit mort.

Scrub off dead skin cells AND all those disgusting comments you heard today.

We’ve heard about it in rap songs and on pamphlets, and we know it must at least be as great as McDonald’s because those are the two things they miss most on Orange Is the New Black. But what’s it really like?

It’s a simple thing, but I think it is worth it.

Because things can go horribly wrong at literally any moment.

It goes with literally everything—especially your tears.

Give the haters something truly majestic to admire.

Get in touch with their inner lives!

Read on for the latest trends in dildo couture.

If My Kids Love Me So Much, Why Won’t They Donate To My Patreon

Look, we all know you only browse yoga articles because maybe you’ll see a nipple or something. Whatever.

If Dick Cheney had a period the Iraq war would have never been started because he would be too busy going to the hospital every full moon.

I am a human being trying to live her best life. And for me that means vodka all day every day. And I am not going to apologize for that.

Not only are my Lincoln Log hinges fashionable they also make so many daily activities better. No longer do I have to worry about damaging my joints when I do yoga.

Boy do these sting!

As a five time Breastfeeding Olympic athlete there is nothing I wouldn’t do to grab another gold. This is what I am doing to train.