The Best Lip Glosses To Pretend You’re Not Just Gonna Eat
Hey grown ups! You’re mature, responsible, and prepared for life. You eat food that’s food! Right? That’s why flavored lip glosses aren’t a cruel test of temptation for you, you competent person you. Who are we kidding? You’re gonna eat this shit. You’re gonna slop it on your face and eat it. You’re gonna lick […]
Contour Your Cat’s Nipples So They’re Less Disgusting
Regardless of their sex, your cat can have anywhere from 4 to 10 nipples, because God hates cat owners and wants to punish us. They’re horrifying, and they love showing them off like common whores. I’ve been to every vet in Los Angeles County and they all refused to remove my cat’s unsightly nipples, so […]
Faking No-Makeup Selfies: A Hate Crime Against Actually Beautiful Women
Your imperfections aren’t a good enough reason to appropriate the last art form of truly beautiful women – the no-makeup selfie.
I Burned Facts To Create The “Perfect Smoky Eye” And Here’s What Happened
So everyone’s all mad about that Michelle Wolf White House Correspondents’ Dinner routine the other night. “Boo! She was mean to the press! She was mean to the president!” But they’re totally missing the point that she actually gave some great makeup advice in there. Burn facts to get the perfect smoky eye? Like, if […]
Red Eyeshadow Is The Hottest New Look Until I Recover From This Infection
‘There’s just so much pus.’
Our Exclusive Sneak Peek at the New Frasier-Inspired Makeup Line
If you love taupe you’re going to lose your shit for this.
Stop Testing Makeup On Animals, Because They Keep Seducing My Father
This needs to stop. My mother’s threatening to leave.