Food and Recipes

You know, for the health benefits.

Finally!

We’re here to hack the shit out of your life!

Don’t be afraid to really slather it into all your nooks and crannies, about 30-45 minutes before you roll into town

I’m about to toss that like a caesar.

Anyone can get caught speeding with a few Fentanyl IPA patches on their arm and a desire for danger.

It’s not hard to make these small changes in your life, it just takes a little planning and a TON of constant anxiety.

We bet there are still a few places that would gladly let you dine out in their back alley at no extra cost.

Shhhhh.

They’re just extremely delicious drones.

Spider Milk? Wait no spiders do silk. Right. Ignore this. Pretend we never suggested it.

Obadiah died in war!

Nothing sucks the air out of a holiday gathering like sugar-free baked goods and the son with a face only a mother would want to disown.

Fuck! Are you feeling this?

Fellow spiritual siblings, if you’ve been on a vision journey over the last 12 months, you may be blissfully preparing for the season of peace and joy. Unfortunately, here on the bodily plane, it turns out that everything everywhere is now terrible. But nothing can stop the lighting of the menorah or the trimming of […]

Red is the color of stop and blood!

Mother Earth is counting on you.

The two events are purely coincidental.

Embrace your inner basic.

Really thought Europe would teach us how to love again.

Because nothing feels as good as fitting into designer skinny jeans. Not even love.

Not to be confused for 3AM recipes.

How do you decide where to go to find inner peace and hopefully an affair with someone whose voice doesn’t make you wish you would just die already.

Prawns. What are they? Do they have feelings? Most importantly, are they different from shrimp?

I swear to fucking God they better after all of this bullshit I went through this year.

It isn’t worth it, just stay home.

Literally tons of things. Sand? Raisins? I dunno, I’m just the excerpt guy. Read the damn article.

For my family, Thanksgiving was always a time of communion, of considering our gratitude, and of worsening our hereditary TMJ by grinding our teeth while my grandmother berated my girl cousins and I for wasting our lives without a man. As the mashed potatoes were passed and the gravy was poured, we all tried to […]

The Church Of False-Vestigially has implemented a state-of-the-art health program with only a 40% failure* rate. It’s called the “LSD Hole Diet,” and it’s totally shaking up the diet world.

This Thanksgiving turkey is just the opportunity you need to have at least one thing go right. And you really need it because, let’s be honest, you can really use a win right now.

I’ve got stuffing in the oven, and I don’t mean the one in my kitchen!

Stop what you’re doing, grab your travel journal, and take note, ’cause I’m going to run down the five Rite Aids you MUST visit before you eat the big one.

Everyone needs a good post-divorce craft project, even if it means building a whole new family who will never desert me out of fruit.

You’re going to fuck this up

We spoke with Marvelous Meats’ CEO Rodger Diaz about his potentially game-changing screaming beef that psychologically satisfies.

You have two problems: no plans for Thanksgiving Dinner, and an abundance of just terrible Pokemon. Why not have one problem solve the other?

You know what they say: You can’t screw up pizza! But we’re gonna try.

You better hope your colon is in order, because I’m about to blow the shit straight out of you.

Turn your stupid fat American child into a glorious, perfectly-behaved little Madeline thanks to a strict French diet!

When celebs spill the beans on the best countries to open an offshore bank account to hide their wealth from different governments, we’re here for it.

Why waste time boiling stacks of the flayed dead so you can suckle the runoff when you can cut out the middle man and get all the nutrients you need direct from the source?

Try these handy tricks to both terrify and confuse them into submission.

These delicious, healthful activated cashews are so godammned good you’ll literally feel like you’re getting pounded by Mr. Peanut.