It’s never a positive sign if your husband is suddenly snapped back to 2019 without any clothes on and a slightly sweaty sheen to him.
Killer whales have dominated the mommy game lately, which is why I’m now only communicating with my children with squeaking and nose bumps.
Modern love is a strange, exhausting experience.
Don’t even introduce yourself.
It’s not easy, but it’s possible!
There must be a logical explanation.
My leash kid is on a leash. The dogs are on leashes. I don’t see the problem?
We dove deep to find out exactly where you should be pooping. You’re welcome!
Based on my experience, these are hard rules (no exceptions) on how to catch the absolute perfect, most brilliant, driven person ever.
Hey Janice just wanted to let you know that sweater is super cute and also cancer but you’ve got like thirty years.
We followed Rami Malek around to see what he gets up to, and then kidnapped him!
Your move, Edwina.
Your wedding gift registry isn’t about tradition, it’s about letting guests know you can outscrew anyone, in explicit detail!
Some self-described Sapiosexuals are pansexual and pretentious, but others are just pretentious. You’re smart, you fuck smart, and everyone should know it.
A few easy tricks to help soften the blow.
Don’t be a dick about it
We bought ourselves some gold-studded berets and launched a full-scale investigation. Yes, we were going to discover the true form of the French penis.
Or do you hate your children too much help them succeed?
It’s a conversation every parent should have with their child.
Remember, your sex life doesn’t need to follow the Geneva Convention, so just have fun with it!
Talk about your dumb luck.
You aren’t paying all that money for someone to tell you you are wrong!
Move over Fudgy the Whale, crude needle poke tattoos are the new big children’s party must-have of the year!
That’s right—working isn’t just for poor people.
This needs to stop. My mother’s threatening to leave.
Boy do these sting!
I am not here for it.
Say you already know your healthy husband is about to die from mysterious causes. Which life insurance policy should you choose for him?
The neighbors were admittedly displeased.
I can’t help but wonder: when will it be my turn? When will I get to delicately balance myself on four posts above some woman as she marries the man of her dreams?
What possible reason could they have to object to this beautiful forty foot silk effigy of a naked hairy Greek New Age musician?
Jesus Christ, really? I can’t wait to see the suggested ads on this one.
