Food and Recipes

A Simple Guide To Wines So You Don’t Look Like A Caveman At Dinner

4 years ago by Heidi Lux

The Michelin Guide To Eating Ass

They are connoisseurs of tushie excellence.

by Nat Baimel

My Secret Ingredient Is Love, Which Has Been Recalled Due To Fecal Contamination

Literal (tainted) love.

by Luis Prada

The Very Hungry Caterpillar Diet Transformed My Body

But not in a good way.

by Anabel and Genevieve Kane

I Finally Found My Grandma’s Secret Lube Recipe

No one could make it quite like Nana.

by Nat Baimel

Alexander The Grape Is Back From The Dead, Unlike Your Grandma

And so is Mr. Melon, Johnny Appletreats, and the Cherry Clan!

by 1908 Candy Co (Sponsored)

A Handy Recipe For Homemade Adderall

Save yourself some money (and a visit with your “guy”) by making your own Adderall at home. Now FOCUS.

by Brian Boone

This Cookie Recipe Will Finally Convince Santa To Clap Them Cheeks

Mmmm mmm!

by Amanda Mannen

How Well Hung Should I Make My Anatomically Correct Gingerbread Men?

It’s the age-old question.

by Nat Baimel

The Best Ketchups To Make Any Fancy Steak Better

Have you tried Heinz?

by Kevin Anderson

The Best Jokes To Help Deflect Judgement When You’re An Adult Buying Lunchables

Like, “Hey — how did THESE get in here?”

by Anabel and Genevieve Kane

Christmas Cocktails You’ll Love Because You’re An Alcoholic

Seriously. You have a problem.

by Brian Steele

6 Simple Cocktails To Keep Your Inevitable Intervention Casual

Like an Old Fashioned!

by Brian Steele

7 Soups You’re Legally Obligated To Make All Winter

You signed the contract. We all did.

by Amanda Mannen

So What Exactly Happens If The Burger King Produces No Heir?

The Burger Kingdom finds itself in dire straits.

by Brian Steele

It’s Okay To Eat Turkeys Because Turkeys Are Sinners

Filthy, no good sinners.

by Frankie Griffen

Our Best Recipes For Turkey Nipples

Just in time for Thanksgiving!

by Amanda Mannen

Try This Healthy Popcorn Alternative: PopKorn!

It’s so good I cannot feel my face.

by Anabel and Genevieve Kane

The Best Cakes To Smash Into Your Face When Trying To Fool A Social Worker

Keep this insane ruse going just a little longer!

by Dyana Goldman

I Went Down Four Pant Sizes On The Matter-Eater Lad Diet

You can eat whatever you want—as long as it’s not food!

by Erik Barnes

Secret Menu Items You’ll Be Killed For Knowing About

This is not a joke.

by Nat Baimel

I Think I Made Banana Bread?

It has all the ingredients of banana bread?

by Heidi Lux

Things My Sommelier Said That Convinced Me He Fucks The Wine

I’m sure of it.

by Luis Prada

D-Tea-F: Herbal Teas That’ll Horny You Up

From Snuckleberry root to Gingerminge.

by Erik Barnes

Meatless Burgers Ranked By How Bad They Made Me Shit My Pants

The definitive list.

by Brian Boone

Fall Recipes For Your Kids To Try While You Fuck Their Gym Teacher

PB&J is fall, right?

by Jessica Ellis

The Summer Guide To Eating Hard Boiled Eggs On The Beach

Mmm, they’re so slimy.

by Michael McCollor

This Hotel Is So Much More Than a Hotel—It’s Made of Candy, Children

Do come in!

by Amanda Mannen

Which Drug Pairs Best With Your Morning Coffee?

From cocaine to molly!

by Amanda Mannen

My Restaurant Will Proudly Fuck Up Your Culture’s Signature Dish

Yes, my gyoza IS pizza-themed!

by Luis Prada

You Can Buy Culkin Cheddar As Long As You Don’t Ask Where It Comes From

Just try not to think too hard about it!

by Mark Hill

Healthy Twists On Picnic Favorites Literally No One Wants You To Make

Have you tried apple slices and cinnamon?!

by Jessica Ellis

Our Marshmallow Diet Lets You Camp In The Woods For Weeks Without Pooping!

Marshmallows are basically nature’s intestinal glue.

by Jessica Ellis

Try Our Low Carb Pasta Alternative: Betty Spaghetty

It’s both delicious, nutritious, and not a choking hazard if eaten correctly.

by Anabel and Genevieve Kane

’90s School Lunches That Mean Your Mom Didn’t Care

We’re sorry to be the ones to break it to you.

by Jessica Ellis

Vegan Alternatives To Egging A House

Humiliate your neighbors the ethical way.

by Anabel and Genevieve Kane

How To Look Really, Really, Really Cool In Front Of Your Therapist

In 14 Easy Steps

by Brian Gilmore

These Trendy Salads Were Recalled But Oh God We’re Gonna Eat Them Anyway

The hottest new salad proteins are hopefully maggots, because that’s definitely what’s in this trendy salad pack we bought three weeks ago!

by Jessica Ellis

Savory Ice Cream Flavors Created by Some Monster

Check out our reviews of these actual savory ice cream flavors apparently made by demon aliens who want to ruin everything you love in this world.

by Jessica Ellis

The Best Flavored Coffees to Throw in Your Boss’s Face When You Quit

You wanna throw coffee in your boss’s face but it has to be the right kind because you are above all, professional.

by Connie Shin

4 Vegan Breakfasts That Look Delicious Even Though You Know They Aren’t!

Because brunch is expensive but tricking your friends into eating your gross food is priceless.

by Lydia Bugg

If You Ate Those Charcoal Ice Cream Cones You Now Have 24 Hours to Live

We were first to tell you to try charcoal ice cream cones, so let us also be the first to add some unfortunate news!

by Jessica Ellis

Lose 20 Friends with These 30-Minute Workouts

Want to makeover not just your body but your whole dang life?

by Connie Shin

Jackfruit Is The Vegan Alternative To Dog Meat You’ve Been Waiting For

Look, we get it. There’s no need to preach to us about how good dog meat can be, and finding a healthy, delicious, vegan alternative can be difficult. Enter jackfruit, a freaky-looking, spiky fruit native to the tropical lowlands of Southeast Asia. Its meaty texture and neutral flavor will leave you amazed that you’re not …

Continue reading “Jackfruit Is The Vegan Alternative To Dog Meat You’ve Been Waiting For”

by Luis Prada

Color of the Month

Food and Recipes

A Simple Guide To Wines So You Don’t Look Like A Caveman At Dinner

The Michelin Guide To Eating Ass

My Secret Ingredient Is Love, Which Has Been Recalled Due To Fecal Contamination

The Very Hungry Caterpillar Diet Transformed My Body

I Finally Found My Grandma’s Secret Lube Recipe

Alexander The Grape Is Back From The Dead, Unlike Your Grandma

A Handy Recipe For Homemade Adderall

This Cookie Recipe Will Finally Convince Santa To Clap Them Cheeks

How Well Hung Should I Make My Anatomically Correct Gingerbread Men?

The Best Ketchups To Make Any Fancy Steak Better

The Best Jokes To Help Deflect Judgement When You’re An Adult Buying Lunchables

Christmas Cocktails You’ll Love Because You’re An Alcoholic

6 Simple Cocktails To Keep Your Inevitable Intervention Casual

7 Soups You’re Legally Obligated To Make All Winter

So What Exactly Happens If The Burger King Produces No Heir?

It’s Okay To Eat Turkeys Because Turkeys Are Sinners

Our Best Recipes For Turkey Nipples

Try This Healthy Popcorn Alternative: PopKorn!

The Best Cakes To Smash Into Your Face When Trying To Fool A Social Worker

I Went Down Four Pant Sizes On The Matter-Eater Lad Diet

Secret Menu Items You’ll Be Killed For Knowing About

I Think I Made Banana Bread?

Things My Sommelier Said That Convinced Me He Fucks The Wine

D-Tea-F: Herbal Teas That’ll Horny You Up

Who Peed In My Kombucha?

Meatless Burgers Ranked By How Bad They Made Me Shit My Pants

Fall Recipes For Your Kids To Try While You Fuck Their Gym Teacher

The Summer Guide To Eating Hard Boiled Eggs On The Beach

This Hotel Is So Much More Than a Hotel—It’s Made of Candy, Children

Which Drug Pairs Best With Your Morning Coffee?

My Restaurant Will Proudly Fuck Up Your Culture’s Signature Dish

You Can Buy Culkin Cheddar As Long As You Don’t Ask Where It Comes From

Healthy Twists On Picnic Favorites Literally No One Wants You To Make

Our Marshmallow Diet Lets You Camp In The Woods For Weeks Without Pooping!

Try Our Low Carb Pasta Alternative: Betty Spaghetty

’90s School Lunches That Mean Your Mom Didn’t Care

Vegan Alternatives To Egging A House

How To Look Really, Really, Really Cool In Front Of Your Therapist

These Trendy Salads Were Recalled But Oh God We’re Gonna Eat Them Anyway

Savory Ice Cream Flavors Created by Some Monster

The Best Flavored Coffees to Throw in Your Boss’s Face When You Quit

4 Vegan Breakfasts That Look Delicious Even Though You Know They Aren’t!

If You Ate Those Charcoal Ice Cream Cones You Now Have 24 Hours to Live

Lose 20 Friends with These 30-Minute Workouts

Jackfruit Is The Vegan Alternative To Dog Meat You’ve Been Waiting For

Color Of The Month: White Privilege

What’s Your Fursona Based On Your Star Sign?

Fetish of the Month: Docking On Your Bros

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