Food and Recipes
Best Salt Scrubs To Use Before You Visit My Tribe Of Desert Cannibals
Don’t be afraid to really slather it into all your nooks and crannies, about 30-45 minutes before you roll into town
Which Artisan-Crafted DUI is Right For You?
Anyone can get caught speeding with a few Fentanyl IPA patches on their arm and a desire for danger.
Easy Diet Changes To Make You Healthier, Happier, and Afraid To Eat
It’s not hard to make these small changes in your life, it just takes a little planning and a TON of constant anxiety.
Beginner’s Guide To Dining Out When Your Country Hates You
We bet there are still a few places that would gladly let you dine out in their back alley at no extra cost.
Creatures Ethical To Milk Because We’re Not Even Sure They’re Animals
Spider Milk? Wait no spiders do silk. Right. Ignore this. Pretend we never suggested it.
Sugar-Free Christmas Cookies Less Disappointing Than Your Incel Son
Nothing sucks the air out of a holiday gathering like sugar-free baked goods and the son with a face only a mother would want to disown.
Maybe It’s The Meth Talking, But These Detox Tips Make Me Feel Like A God
Fuck! Are you feeling this?
These New Twists On Hot Cocoa Might Literally Save Your Life
Fellow spiritual siblings, if you’ve been on a vision journey over the last 12 months, you may be blissfully preparing for the season of peace and joy. Unfortunately, here on the bodily plane, it turns out that everything everywhere is now terrible. But nothing can stop the lighting of the menorah or the trimming of […]
Our Restaurant’s New Insect Menu Has Nothing To Do With The Recent Fumigation
The two events are purely coincidental.
We Tried To Find Inspirational Love Stories But Found Love Is A Lie
Really thought Europe would teach us how to love again.
I’m Avoiding Holiday Weight Gain By Alienating My Friends And Family
Because nothing feels as good as fitting into designer skinny jeans. Not even love.
Recipes For Standing In Front Of The Fridge In Your Underwear At 2AM
Not to be confused for 3AM recipes.
The Best Places to Find Inner Peace And Hopefully An Affair
How do you decide where to go to find inner peace and hopefully an affair with someone whose voice doesn’t make you wish you would just die already.
Prawns vs. Shrimps: The Definitive Guide
Prawns. What are they? Do they have feelings? Most importantly, are they different from shrimp?
Thanksgiving Recipes The Whole Family Better Fucking Agree On
I swear to fucking God they better after all of this bullshit I went through this year.
I Traveled The World And Didn’t Learn A Fucking Thing About Myself
It isn’t worth it, just stay home.
There Are So Many Things Besides Stuffing You Can Put In A Turkey
Literally tons of things. Sand? Raisins? I dunno, I’m just the excerpt guy. Read the damn article.
My Grandma’s Thanksgiving Recipes Taught Me To Understand That Bitch
For my family, Thanksgiving was always a time of communion, of considering our gratitude, and of worsening our hereditary TMJ by grinding our teeth while my grandmother berated my girl cousins and I for wasting our lives without a man. As the mashed potatoes were passed and the gravy was poured, we all tried to […]
Lose Weight With My Diet Of Artisanal LSD Tabs And Ditch Grains Fed To You Through Our Feed Hole
The Church Of False-Vestigially has implemented a state-of-the-art health program with only a 40% failure* rate. It’s called the “LSD Hole Diet,” and it’s totally shaking up the diet world.
Reminder: Don’t Fuck Up This Turkey, Because You Can Really Use A Win Right Now
This Thanksgiving turkey is just the opportunity you need to have at least one thing go right. And you really need it because, let’s be honest, you can really use a win right now.
You Have To Try These Stuffing Recipes In Your Vagina
I’ve got stuffing in the oven, and I don’t mean the one in my kitchen!
Five Rite Aids You MUST Visit Before You Die
Stop what you’re doing, grab your travel journal, and take note, ’cause I’m going to run down the five Rite Aids you MUST visit before you eat the big one.
Animal Fruit Carvings So Adorable You’ll Dedicate Your Life To Keeping Them Alive At ALL Costs
Everyone needs a good post-divorce craft project, even if it means building a whole new family who will never desert me out of fruit.
Marvelous Meat: This Plant-Based Burger Not Only Bleeds, It Screams
We spoke with Marvelous Meats’ CEO Rodger Diaz about his potentially game-changing screaming beef that psychologically satisfies.
Low-Cost Thanksgiving Dinner Option: Cook And Serve Your Weakest Pokemon!
You have two problems: no plans for Thanksgiving Dinner, and an abundance of just terrible Pokemon. Why not have one problem solve the other?
Can You Screw Up Pizza? We’re Gonna Try!
You know what they say: You can’t screw up pizza! But we’re gonna try.
I Just Realized Green Juice Is Cold Soup And I Am Going To End These Bastards
You better hope your colon is in order, because I’m about to blow the shit straight out of you.
The French Model: Teaching Your Child to Eat Like A Perfect Little Asshole
Turn your stupid fat American child into a glorious, perfectly-behaved little Madeline thanks to a strict French diet!
We Can’t Get Enough Of These 5 Celebrity-Recommended Tax Havens
When celebs spill the beans on the best countries to open an offshore bank account to hide their wealth from different governments, we’re here for it.
Bone Broth Is Out, Gnawing On Bones Is In!
Why waste time boiling stacks of the flayed dead so you can suckle the runoff when you can cut out the middle man and get all the nutrients you need direct from the source?
Confuse And Terrify Your Children Into Eating Healthy
Try these handy tricks to both terrify and confuse them into submission.
Consuming Activated Cashews Is Like Getting Railed By Mr. Peanut And We Can’t Recommend It Enough
These delicious, healthful activated cashews are so godammned good you’ll literally feel like you’re getting pounded by Mr. Peanut.
Make Your Relationship As Good As The One I Have With This BBQ Pulled Pork Macaroni And Cheese
Relationships can be tough, but when you find your perfect other half, you’ll be amazed by how easy things can be. I personally feel so lucky to be in a relationship that’s so intuitive and carefree. I am, of course, talking about my relationship with this barbecue pulled pork macaroni and cheese. It’s a simple […]
The Boxed Wine And Whatever Is In The Fridge Crash Diet
Hello again, readers! We here at Bunny Ears love trying out new diets and telling you about the results. Juice cleanses, the five-bite system, raw foods—we’re here for them all. And as much as I’d love to review a new trendy diet for you today, I hit a bit of a snafu up front: The only thing […]
I Tried The Sleeping Beauty Diet And I’m Gonna Eat My Prince When He Show Up
As a good-hearted, courageous princess, I totally understand that a diet may not be feasible to the working woman/peasant. I know many of you have children to rear and like, goats to tend? I’ve definitely seen goats out there, so my guess is you’re tending them— because peasant men are useless, amiright? See, we’re the […]
A Tour Guide Of The Places Where Men Have Dumped Me
When it comes to men, I’ve been around the neighborhood a few times, if you know what I mean. What I mean is that I have been dumped by various men in various places in the town where I live throughout the years. Come with me, if you like, as I relive this journey and […]
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…